Scrolling my Instagram feed is like watching 50 Shades of Flambe. Still, recipes can be so darn bland sometimes, especially in the food porn-heavy cookbooks of recent years, where every egg is photographed as if from a golden goose and each direction reeks of timidity. Batters are folded gently. Greens are dressed lightly. Soups are simmered slowly. Food and sex go hand in hand, or in some cases, mouth to mouth. When we think about food porn, we tend to think in visual terms. However for readers of romance novels and food erotica, (yes this is an actual genre) each story is a slice of proverbial cherry pie patiently awaiting a whipped topping.
Food porn, the glorification of food as a substitute for sex, is not an entirely new phenomenon. Nor, perhaps, is the objectification of food: displays or descriptions of food — and its preparation — for an audience that has no intention of actually cooking or eating any of it. Few people leafing through that ultimate volume of chef porn, the unspeakably lush, jaw-droppingly beautiful "French Laundry Cookbook," would ever attempt to re-create its recipes. Most likely it has a special place on a bookshelf or coffee table far away from the kitchen much as our parents might once have kept “National Geographic” away from general viewing.
Like the best of pornography, the best of food seduction depicts beautiful "objects" arranged in ways one might never have previously considered; star chefs, like the porn stars before them, doing things on paper that few amateurs would ever try at home. Everything to do with food and chefs has become somehow sexy. As you can see by my photography skills, I am clearly a late bloomer. There is no stylist, publicist, producer, or manual. Let's face it, there isn’t anything hot and steamy about my food. Just a girl taking photos of her dinner before it gets cold.
Risqué wordplay is being served up like foreplay on menus to spice up ordinary dishes like tacos, French fries, and cocktails with names fully loaded with sexual undertones. It's a flirtation with the diner. We're such a sex-driven culture, and restaurants are getting playful with the experience of the food. A reflection of the current hook-up culture and ubiquitous dating apps like Tinder and Pure, cut-to-the-chase names for common dishes are scoring big on menus as chefs realize that sex, well, sells. Research shows that using evocative menu labels can improve a diner's perception of a meal. Subjects who tasted products with sexy, descriptive names found the food tastier than subjects who ate the same dishes with regular-sounding names did. Thinking about sex increases your endorphins and it gives your brain feelings of calm and good, therefore it's going to associate the food with feeling happy and you're more likely to enjoy it. In today's restaurants, you can order Frisky Fries & A Threesome — a reference to the three dipping sauces on the side — and wash them down with something even cruder like a Thai Me Up cocktail without feeling embarrassed in front of the waiter.
Foodgasm is not just a new trendy word, it's a feeling. It's the one that you get when you dig your finger deep into a jar of peanut butter to lick that delicious stickiness off or when the cheese drips from your pizza and you quickly come forward to catch it just in time. We love our food beyond words and you'll be glad to know that it loves you back just as much! So enjoy it, savor it, and dream about it later.
Here are some ways in which your favorite food would express love to you if it could:
- “You can bite me wherever you want. I won’t scream.” – Sandwich
- “I love the way you blow on me when I’m hot.” - Soup
- “Yeah, flip me over with that spatula.” – Pancakes
- “Please undress me now.” – Salad
- “Squeeze me harder.” – Lime
- “Let me show you what melting in the mouth means.” – Ice Cream
- “I am all yours baby. Why would you want to share me with someone else?” – Wine
- “I’m like sex. When I’m good, I’m good. When I’m bad, I’m still pretty good.” – Burger
- “I can’t solve your problems, but I can definitely make you feel better.” – Chocolate
- “I may be too hot for you to handle.” – Pizza
So how does this story end? Well, taco dirty to me, and maybe I'll kiss your grits.
Cauliflower Tinga Tacos with Avocado Crema
Recipe courtesy of Half Baked Harvest
INGREDIENTS
- 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, plus more for rubbing
- 1 large head cauliflower, cut into small florets (about 6 cups chopped)
- 1 yellow onion, chopped
- 2-3 chipotle peppers in adobo, finely chopped
- 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/2 cup red enchilada sauce
- 8-12 corn or flour small tortillas
- 1 cup shredded pepper jack cheese
- Purple cabbage, radishes, and cilantro for garnish
Honey Lime Avocado Crema
- 1 large avocado, halved
- 1/2 cup fresh cilantro
- 1-2 teaspoons honey
- 1 clove garlic, grated
- juice from 2 limes
- kosher or flaky salt
INSTRUCTIONS
- Preheat the oven to 425° F.
- Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over high heat. When the oil shimmers, add the cauliflower and onion. Cook, stirring occasionally until the cauliflower is charring, about 5 minutes. Add the chipotle peppers, enchilada sauce, oregano, salt, and 1/3 cup water. Reduce the heat to medium and simmer until the sauce has thickened slightly about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat.
- Warm the tortillas for 30 seconds to 1 minute in the microwave, until pliable. On a baking sheet, rub the tortillas with olive oil. Lay each flat and then layer evenly with cheese and cauliflower. Fold the other half of the tortilla over the filling, gently pushing to adhere (see above photo). Transfer to the oven and bake for 5-8 minutes, then flip and cook another 5 minutes more, or until the cheese has melted and the tortillas are crisp.
- Meanwhile, make the Honey Lime Avocado Crema. Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth and creamy. Season with salt.
- Serve the tacos topped with crema, cabbage, radishes, limes, and any other desired toppings.
Spicy Seasoned Roasted Chickpeas
INGREDIENTS
- 15 oz can chickpeas
- 1 TBSP avocado oil or olive oil
- 1/4 tsp sea salt
- 1 tsp cumin
- 3/4 tsp chili powder
- 1/2 tsp garlic powder
- 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
INSTRUCTIONS
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees F
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Grab a can of garbanzo beans. Rinse, drain, and pat dry.
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Lay spaced out on a baking sheet and drizzle with avocado oil or olive oil and sea salt.
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Cook for 5-10 minutes.
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Remove from oven, toss with cayenne, cumin, chili powder, and garlic powder and allow to cool.
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Note: Adjust cayenne pepper to taste based on heat preference. For mild chickpeas, use sweet paprika in place of the spicy cayenne.
