Every family has a lion. In our family, that lion is Claude.
"Problematic," "disobedient," and "defiant." These are all words that may be associated with a child born with the spirit of a lion. However, the lion is also a symbol of strength and courage with a strong will. In most families, there is one member who doesn’t quite fit the mold, challenges the norm, stands out for their unique perspective, and is often misunderstood.
My oldest son, Henry, was a quiet, well-behaved, gentle soul as a child. He was timid and predictable – a rule-follower.
Claude was born wired differently. He was independent, stubborn, and defiant. Defiance comes in various forms, from strong-willed kids to those with a more extreme condition known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
ODD is characterized by a pattern of impatient mood, argumentative behavior, and vindictiveness. A child who is easily annoyed or resentful, quick to lose their temper, argues with authority figures, and refuses to comply with rules. Defiant children often deliberately provoke others and shift blame for their mistakes or misbehavior.
Despite trying rewards and consequences and taking away prized possessions, Claude refused to comply with what was asked of him. Every day felt like an exhausting battle of wills. Claude wasn’t bothered about being on Santa’s naughty list. To him, everything was either black or white, wrong or right, and he was always right.
The kicking and screaming I could handle, but it was his deep understanding of how he could hurt me on an emotional level that would leave me profoundly wounded. I’m not proud of it, but I cried every day until Claude went to kindergarten.
I felt like I had failed him as a mother. ODD is more than having a difficult child. It’s one of the hardest things a parent can go through because your child is often left lonely and judged by everyone. As for me, I realized that I couldn’t parent Claude like I parented his brother. I had to give him choices and not project my will onto him—I had to give him room to grow.
There is a difference between faith and force. Strong wills aren't a bad thing. Actually, they can be attractive when guided correctly. These types of children are usually the ones who are determined to succeed no matter what. They don't give up easily. These kids are often the ones whose voices rise against adversity.
However, these children can be significantly harmed if not given the freedom to express themselves positively.
In nurturing a child with a fierce spirit, I transformed into a fierce protector, a lioness guarding her cub with strength and compassion. I chose to love the whole child which meant I fought for and prayed for him harder than anyone in my life.
When a determined child feels no control over their choices, they can feel trapped and resist everything around them. Pick your battles wisely. Change the language you use with them. Even if you think your child isn’t listening, it’s crucial to recognize that words like "problematic" can negatively impact their emotional well-being. Remember, these children were born with strong personalities not unkind hearts.
Flow, don’t force. Let life come to you. Be patient. Be lionhearted. Act with courage and determination, and hold the strength of love with a gentle heart.
Claude has developed into a handsome, smart and kind young gentleman. He is preparing to attend law school in the Fall. After ranking in the top 5% of applicants, he received nearly a full scholarship from one of his top choices. He is the lion, and he is my pride.
Never give up on a child; emphasize the importance of unwavering support and belief in his potential. Any child who knows that they are loved and believed in, even when they make mistakes, is more likely to persevere and achieve their full potential.
Love them for who they are, and one day, you will get the chance to hear them roar.
Asparagus & Leek Vegetable Pot Pie
INGREDIENTS
- 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 4 medium carrots, halved lengthwise and cut into 1 ½-inch pieces
- 2 medium leeks, white and light green parts only, sliced and then rinsed (about 2 ½ cups)
- 1 large bunch of asparagus, ends trimmed and cut into 1 ½-inch pieces
- 3 large Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and cubed into bite-size pieces
- 1 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon EACH: pepper, celery seed, and garlic powder (optional)
- ¼ cup all-purpose flour, plus more for work surface
- 3 cups vegetable or chicken broth
- 3 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
- 2 tablespoons crème fraîche
- 2 tablespoons whole-grain mustard
- 2 tablespoons fresh thyme leaves, divided (or 1 tablespoon dried, divided)
- 1/4 cup fresh parsley, roughly chopped
- 1 frozen puff pastry sheet (from 1 [17.3-oz.] package), thawed
- 1 large egg, lightly beaten
- 1 teaspoon flaky sea salt and cracked black pepper for topping
INSTRUCTIONS
- Preheat oven to 400°F with rack in lower third position. Bring a pot of water with a teaspoon of salt to a bowl, and cook potatoes for 10-12 minutes or until fork tender. Drain.
- Heat butter and oil in a 10-inch cast-iron skillet over medium-high until butter is melted and foamy. Add carrots and leeks. Cook, stirring occasionally, until carrots are just beginning to soften and leeks are tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Add asparagus.
- Sprinkle evenly with flour. Cook, stirring constantly, until vegetables are fully coated and flour smells nutty and turns golden brown, about 1 minute. Add stock, the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of salt, pepper, garlic powder, and celery seed; bring to a boil over high. Reduce heat to medium-high. Cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid starts to thicken, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat.
- Stir in whipping cream, crème fraîche, mustard, 1 tablespoon of thyme, and all the parsley. Add cooked potatoes. Set aside to cool slightly, about 5 minutes.
- Meanwhile, roll the pastry sheet onto a lightly floured work surface into a 12-inch square. Cut evenly into 3 (4-inch-wide) strips. Cut each strip evenly into 5 squares. Arrange pastry squares in a concentric-circle pattern over mixture, leaving a slight (about ½-inch) overhang around skillet edges and slightly overlapping triangles (some vegetable mixture will still be exposed around edges). Brush pastry with egg mixture; sprinkle with flaky sea salt and fresh cracked pepper. *For thicker crust repeat the layering and wash with a second pastry sheet.
- Place a baking sheet lined with aluminum foil on oven rack; place skillet on sheet. Bake in preheated oven until pastry is golden brown and filling is bubbly around edges, about 30 minutes. (You may need to cover with aluminum foil if edges begin to burn.) Remove from oven; let stand 10 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining 1 teaspoon thyme.
