Be a good girl. Do as you're told. Don’t talk back. Put others first. Don’t make trouble. Be quiet and look pretty. Be on your best behavior. People are watching. Don’t embarrass me.
Being a woman in the modern world is many things, but it’s never easy. There are so many blurred lines. You’re supposed to be cute but not infantile, sexy but not sleazy, conventionally attractive but never basic. Be smart, but don’t show off. Be ambitious, but always put family first. Be quiet. Be obedient. Be virtuous. Be Perfect.
And, hey, Would it kill you to smile?
Southern women are different; that is a fact. It is not posturing, or hyperbole, or marketing.
We are all connected to deeper roots and banded together by a history that provides us with the expectations and rules of being a lady from the South. Still, I have always thought of Southern Belles as a super-elite task force of lethally disciplined femininity – which includes a healthy dose of feminism.
Women in the South have been redefining the meaning of a Southern Belle for generations.
To be born a Southern woman is to be made aware of your distinctiveness. And with it, the rules. The expectations. These vary some, but all follow the same basic template: fundamentally, no matter what the circumstance, Southern women make an effort to be good girls.
While being all things to all people is impossible, that doesn’t stop many of us from trying.
There are many good and bad stereotypes surrounding the South, especially when it comes to women. In today’s world, a Southern Belle can take many forms. She is just as likely to join the military as she is to have brunch at the Country Club, but no one can truly understand the culture that comes along with being from the South unless they have lived there and been part of it.
You think before you talk, and if you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say anything at all. This is something we learn at a young age. We grew up watching our mothers never meet a stranger; she had the ability to become best friends with the person in front of her in line at the grocery store. The gift of gab is a skill that we acquire over time and perfect through the years, and it is key to charming everyone that we come in contact with. I can promise you we will get any valuable information from anyone we need. We believe in being polite, even if it kills us. So, the common Southern phrase of “Bless your heart” can either be a form of empathy and a huge hug, or it is the sweetest insult you could ever give someone.
But generationally, we have learned that consistently putting other people’s needs ahead of our own isn’t sustainable. We have to take care of ourselves, and doing this adequately necessitates legitimizing our own needs and sometimes saying “no” to other people.
So much of what we do and think is based on unconscious beliefs and ingrained behavior patterns. This is why awareness is so important in the change process.
We’ve started to ask ourselves: Am I meeting my own needs? Am I being true to myself? Am I doing this out of obligation or desire?
Beginning to take more chances, set more boundaries, and prioritize yourself isn’t going to radically shift you from a good girl to a selfish, inconsiderate rebel. While there is nothing wrong with swimming in shallow water, at some point, you need to recognize that wading in the shallow end isn’t going to teach you how to swim. Only by diving into deeper waters can you struggle back up to the surface. It’s only when your feet don’t touch the ground that you bother to kick.
No one has to demand that we trade in our good girl persona for a goodbye girl. We don’t dive off the deep end. We put the toe in the water and try it out first.
Being a good girl no longer means you have to sacrifice for others. Demonstrating positive qualities and being kind does not require you to constantly put your own needs and well-being aside to cater to everyone else; you can be a good girl while still setting boundaries and prioritizing your own happiness.
Most of us who grew up in the South knew women who taught us how to cut biscuits with a juice glass but also taught us how to stand up for ourselves. We all have cheerleaders who encourage us to go after what we want in life and to never make ourselves small or invisible for the sake of others.
So much of what we associate with Southern femininity, the sundresses and pearls, the immaculate pies, and tastefully decorated homes, is window dressing. None of those things will define us or our daughters as women in the South, but growing up supported by this thick, unbroken root system of female strength will.
Southern women see no point in the hard way. Life is hard enough. So we add a little sugar to the sour. Which is not to suggest Southern women are disingenuous or soft. Quite the opposite. When you are born into history as loaded as the South’s, daring to stay sweet and good is about the most radical thing you can do.
Broccoli Cheese Casserole
INGREDIENTS
- 4 (12-oz.) packages fresh broccoli florets
- 1/4 cup water
- 4 tablespoons butter, divided
- 1 large yellow onion, chopped
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- ¼ cup all-purpose flour
- 2 cups whole milk
- ½ cup Duke's mayonnaise
- 1 heaping tablespoon Dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1 teaspoon fresh black pepper
- 8 ounces (2 cups) sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded
- 1 1/2 cups crushed buttery crackers (such as Club or Ritz Original Crackers)
- 2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
INSTRUCTIONS
- Place broccoli and water in a large microwavable bowl. Cover loosely with plastic wrap, or a microwave-safe lid, vented, and microwave on HIGH until tender, about 8 minutes. Set aside.
- Meanwhile, melt 3 tablespoons of the butter in a Dutch oven or large saucepan over medium-high. Add onion, and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add garlic, and cook, stirring occasionally and reducing heat if needed to prevent burning, 1 minute. Sprinkle flour evenly over onion mixture, and cook, stirring constantly, 1 minute.
- Gradually whisk in milk, and bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Cook, stirring constantly with a whisk, until thickened, about 2 minutes. Reduce heat to medium, and whisk in mayonnaise, mustard, salt, and pepper until smooth.
- Add cheese, and stir until melted and smooth. Add broccoli, and stir to coat.
- Transfer the broccoli and cheese mixture to a lightly greased 13- x 9-inch broiler-proof baking dish. If you're baking now, go to the next step. If you're making this dish ahead, see the tip below.
- Preheat oven to 350°F. Cover with aluminum foil. Bake, covered, until hot and bubbly, about 45 minutes.
- Place remaining 1 tablespoon butter in a medium-size microwavable bowl, and microwave on HIGH until melted, about 15 seconds. Add crackers and parsley, and stir to combine.
- Remove the aluminum foil from the casserole and sprinkle evenly over casserole.
- Increase oven temperature to broil on HIGH, and broil casserole until top is golden brown, about 2 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.
Tip: If you're making this casserole in advance, cool it to room temperature, about 30 minutes. Cover with aluminum foil, and chill until ready to bake, up to 1 day ahead. When you're ready to bake, remove the covered casserole from the refrigerator while the oven preheats.
