When will I be loved? I think most of us have asked ourselves this question at one time or another; however, I feel like the poster child who has been looking for the answer her whole life.
My parents did not marry because they were in love. Like many of their generation, they married because it was time and they were suitable parties. My father asked my mother to marry him, and her answer was, “I’ll think about it.” He told her, “I will honk my horn as I pass your house tomorrow after work. It takes 15 minutes to get home. If you call me, then your answer is yes. If not, don’t call me again.” My father was 24, my mother 19.
For nearly all of my childhood, I had one big dream that I'd play repeatedly in my head. It wasn't about anything “normal” children hoped for, like a pony for their birthday or a new bike for Christmas. My dream was that my parents would get divorced.
I didn't grow up seeing my parents plant kisses on each other or hold hands. They led separate lives under the same roof. The truth is, I’ve never heard my parents say “I love you” to each other. Instead, the “I hate you” feeling was a cacophonous soundtrack repeated in our home. Affection was foreign to me, so naturally, I shied away from relationships.
I felt damaged and knew I didn’t have what it took to be a good partner. I would push decent people I loved away, purposely ruining a perfectly good thing. I sabotaged relationships because I knew I would eventually fail them.
I had never seen a healthy relationship. When dating, if things seemed too perfect, I got suspicious. I started to dig for problems because I refused to believe the person I was dating was as lovely as they appeared. I always assumed they were hiding a sinister secret like my family did.
I had never seen how two people who love and respect each other behaved. I’d only seen the dark side of relationships – never the light.
When I was young, my mother advised me to choose someone who loved me more than I loved him. She reasoned that I would never be truly heartbroken should the relationship go wrong.
In short, find someone who will give more so you can give less in the marriage in all aspects. The relationship should be a transaction in which you come out ahead.
Some marriages’ foundation is based on mutual love, and some are based on a trade-off. The trade-off in my first marriage was that I married a man with a stable home. I desperately wanted a loving family and thought he could be a great father if I turned out to be a terrible mother.
It was a marriage based on analysis rather than feelings. I calculated my self-interests to choose my partner. But there was a price tag that came with it.
The vast gap in our unbalanced love was hard to sustain in the long term. Being in a marriage without friendship and passion was a prison sentence – for both of us.
The divorce made me realize that I didn’t have to settle for the guy who was there. I could have a love that's wonderful, worth the sacrifice, true love. Because anything else simply isn't worth it.
I now understand the importance of being with someone who chases you after he’s caught you; someone who has seen you at your worst and still loves you; someone who you want, not someone you need; someone who could break your heart — but won't; someone who chooses you every day.
My parents didn’t believe in real love, nor did they believe in their ability to get a commitment from someone they authentically loved in return.
Both partners must have their individual needs met and respected, regardless of who loves whom more. It's essential to recognize that your worth as an individual is not determined by how much your partner loves you but by how much you love and value yourself.
Creamy Cajun Pasta with Shrimp & Andouille
INGREDIENTS
For the Pasta
- 14 ounces fettucini pasta
- 12 ounces andouille sausage, sliced into ½ inch pieces
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 3 tablespoons butter, divided
- 1 ½ pounds large shrimp, shells and tails removed
- 1 large yellow onion, chopped
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- ¼ cup chicken stock
- 2 tablespoons tomato paste
- 1 (14.5-ounce) can fire-roasted tomatoes
- 2 cups heavy whipping cream
- 1 tablespoon cooking sherry
- ½ cup parmesan cheese, grated (plus more for serving)
- ¼ cup fresh parsley, chopped
For the Seasoning
- 2 teaspoons smoked paprika
- 1 teaspoon oregano
- 1 teaspoon thyme
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- ½ teaspoon onion powder
- ½ teaspoon kosher salt
- ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
- ¼ teaspoon black pepper
INSTRUCTIONS
- Combine all the ingredients for the Cajun seasoning in a small bowl.
- Pat shrimp dry with a paper towel. Drizzle with olive oil and coat shrimp with half of the Cajun seasoning. Set aside.
- Bring a large pot of salted water to boil.
- Add 2 tablespoons of butter to a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the andouille and brown until nicely caramelized, about 4 - 5 minutes. Remove to a plate and set aside.
- Melt the remaining tablespoon of butter, add the shrimp, and cook for 2 minutes or so until they start to curl. Flip the shrimp over and cook another minute or two, then remove them to a plate and set aside.
- Add pasta to boiling water and cook until al dente, a minute less than package instructions. Drain and reserve a cup of the pasta water.
- Lower the skillet heat to medium and add the stock; reduce by half and scrape up any browned bits that you can. Add the onion and sauté until softened, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute.
- Add the remaining Cajun seasoning and tomato paste. Stir until well combined. Add the tomatoes with their juices, cream, and sherry; stir to combine and bring to a simmer. Once it is simmering, stir in the parmesan cheese.
- Add cooked pasta, andouille, and shrimp. Stir to combine and heat through 2 - 3 minutes. Add reserved pasta water if it seems dry or you'd like more sauce. Salt and pepper to taste.
- Serve in warm bowls and garnish with freshly cracked black pepper, grated Parmesan, and chopped parsley.
