Divorce can have many casualties, and heartbreak is just the tip of the iceberg. Divorce can often lead you to mourn the death of the living. It has many witnesses and many victims.
Throughout my painful journey, grief became an unwelcome yet constant companion. Grief is a familiar, valid feeling when facing an unexpected or unwanted divorce. Irrespective of how many years the marriage lasted or what circumstances destroyed it, the end of a marriage is heartbreaking and brutal. A part of your life you thought you would have has died. Allowing yourself to grieve not only the marriage but the future you had envisioned is a critical component of healing.
Many of us have heard the stages of divorce grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance, which is finding peace within the grief process. Grief is a normal response to the unbearable experience of divorce. Even in the most amicable situations, there are profound losses to those going through a divorce and the extended family.
Ultimately, no amount of love can bring two people on the same journey unless they see themselves at the same destination together. The parts that feel the most painful at the moment are the ones that will eventually direct you to your healing. Acceptance, which brings peace to the grieving process, is a vital destination on this journey.
The biggest roadblock to healing is accepting yourself. We get frustrated that we still feel a certain way while many people tell us to “Get over it” and “Move on; he isn’t worth it.” Though these comments come from a loving place, they ask you to be somewhere you aren’t ready to be. Allow yourself to be where you are right now, always.
It’s essential to honor where you are emotionally, as resisting it only prolongs the suffering. If you allow heartbreak to be, it can be a powerful catalyst for self-discovery and renewed love. How we process it and ultimately learn to forgive makes the difference.
In a world that frequently perceives vulnerability as a weakness, I learned that being open requires remarkable courage and strength. With each tragedy, I’ve learned that this painful experience taught me invaluable lessons that no textbook or other type of education could ever teach. Although divorce can be painful, it can lead to newfound freedom and self-awareness. I now know what it feels like to question if wholeness is possible again. Heartbreak is a lasting loss, but remember, taking care of mending your broken heart is never a waste of time.
Moving on after heartbreak can be a long and arduous process, but your mental and physical health needs to take the time to heal and reflect. Self-reflection can help you understand what went wrong in the relationship and what you can do differently if you choose to love again in the future. Give yourself a chance to express your pain, and ask the people around you for wisdom. The hardest part is asking for help and then agreeing to listen.
Heartbreak can teach you valuable lessons about self-worth, self-reliance, communication, setting boundaries, and the power of letting go. Some doors are meant to be shut. Don’t force it back open. Strength is knowing when to walk away and find another entrance if you’re resourceful. Not every space is meant to be your forever home. Time will eventually heal your wound, but lessons learned will last a lifetime. Divorce, while insidious and harmful, can also be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
I now know firsthand what it’s like to be abandoned and wonder if you will ever be able to love again. While grief is a painful season to endure, it’s a necessary step for the healing process to play out. Heartbreak is a loss that will last forever. Divorce is just a sheet of paper—a legal separation of lives once intertwined. If you are patient and compassionate with yourself, you may discover all sorts of new adventures. You can emerge with a more profound capacity to love and be loved. Your heartbreak can lead you through a doorway to a wiser, more resilient you.
Creamy Pasta with Pancetta & Peas
INGREDIENTS
- 16 ounces Girelle pasta or medium pasta shells
- 8 ounces pancetta, diced
- 1 large shallot, finely diced
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1 cup half and half
- 1 cup heavy whipping cream
- 1 teaspoon fresh cracked black pepper
- ½ teaspoon onion powder
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- 2 cups frozen peas (about 12 ounces)
- ½ cup to 1 cup reserved pasta water
- 1 cup parmesan cheese
- Fresh parsley for serving (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS
- Fill a large pot with water and a teaspoon of salt. Bring it to a boil over high heat. Once boiling, add pasta and set the timer to cook the pasta according to package instructions. With one minute of pasta cooking time remaining, add the frozen peas. Check the pasta to ensure it’s cooked to your desired tenderness. Set aside 1 cup of pasta water. Drain the pasta and peas and return them to the large pot.
- Meanwhile, heat a large sauté pan over medium heat. Once hot, add pancetta and cook until crispy. Remove the pancetta and set aside. Reserve 1/3 cup for topping. Drain any excess rendered fat from the sauté pan.
- Melt butter in the sauté pan. Add shallot, garlic, onion powder, garlic powder, and black pepper and cook for 3 minutes. Whisk in the half & half and heavy cream. Cook with a rapid simmer for about 4 minutes. Shut off the heat. Slowly stir in the parmesan cheese until melted.
- Add cooked pasta and peas to the cream mixture. Add pancetta to the pasta and pour in ½ cup of the reserved pasta water if needed. Taste and adjust seasoning. Add pasta water as necessary.
- Top individual bowls with reserved pancetta, parmesan cheese, parsley, and more black pepper, if desired. Serve immediately.
