While 50 sounds ancient to someone in their twenties and even thirties (at least it did to me when I was young), someone who falls in love after 50 feels as young as they did when they fell in love at 15. Falling in love at any age feels giddy, heart-stopping, scary, and all-consuming. Let’s be honest. It feels great.
In 2011, I faced the end of an almost twenty-year marriage. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I would never again find love, and was at peace with it. I had two beautiful boys and thought maybe that was all that was meant to be for me.
I had hopelessness and despair in my first marriage that made change feel impossible. It's so much easier to reinvent yourself in a new relationship dynamic. A hard marriage grinds you down. It's exhausting and depressing and can feel impossible to make any inroads into change.
With three out of four divorcees getting married again, it's pretty clear that despite all the challenges of marriage and divorce, the desire to love and be loved remains constant. It pushes us to find someone to share our lives with. It's not always easy, especially when we're carrying emotional baggage – and let's be real, we all have some.
What it is like to fall when you're older truly is wonderful. If we are smart, we have learned from our mistakes and are putting our best selves forward. We don’t have unrealistic expectations or get easily disappointed because we have less to lose. We are more open-minded and less judgmental. All bets are off.
In a new relationship after a tough marriage, you get to rewrite all the rules. If you were passive or felt pushed around in your first marriage, you can start, right from the beginning, in a new role. You can make the plans, get your voice heard, assert whatever it is you couldn't in your first marriage. Women who married in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, have lots of new priorities, wants, skills, passions, goals, and traits. However, if you and your first partner couldn't or didn't grow and change in compatible ways, finding someone new can be liberating from all those parts of yourself you have moved away from, grown out of, or simply chose to release.
We are more self-confident and care less about what the other person thinks; therefore, show our true selves in the relationship. We have gratitude for the relationship, respect it, value it, and make it a priority. It’s like you’re taking everything you’ve learned in life and pouring your best self into your new love, and he or she is doing the same right back.
If someone asked me, “How do you know if he/she’s the one?” here is my answer. When it’s right, you like everything about yourself and how you are—both when you are together and apart. The person brings out the best in you. You’re not afraid to be yourself with the person. You will do anything for the person—not just say you’ll do anything, really mean it. And that advice goes not just for those falling in love after 50, but for anyone at any age.
Getting it right the second time around after a divorce requires a lot of inner work, healing, and growth. But by taking these steps and prioritizing your well-being and happiness, you can attract a partner who shares your vision and values, and create a loving and fulfilling relationship. Remember that you deserve love and happiness, regardless of your past experiences, and that the journey to finding love again can be one of the most rewarding and transformative experiences of your life.
I am here to tell you that old, midlife dogs can learn all kinds of remarkable new relationship tricks. You can be vulnerable and open for the first time in your entire life. You can get your groove back in all possible ways, ladies. We can make peace with our imperfect bodies for the first time because we are being cherished in entirely new ways.
When you do find someone who matches your vision and values, be willing to be vulnerable and go all in. Love and intimacy require trust, openness, and taking emotional risks at any age. So be prepared to take some leaps of faith and show your true self to your partner. Only by giving your all and being fully committed can you create a relationship and life you truly love.
Creamy Roasted Mexican Red Pepper Soup with Pico de Guacamole
INGREDIENTS
For the Soup
- 3 large red bell peppers, cored, seeded, and cut into thick slices
- 4 medium vine-ripened or Roma tomatoes, cut in half or quarters depending on size
- 4 medium tomatillos, cut in half
- 2 poblano chilis, cut in half and seeds removed
- 1 large jalapeño, cut in half and seeds removed
- 1-2 large garlic bulbs, top cut off
- 1 large white or yellow onion, cut in half and then quartered (8 pieces per onion)
- 4 tablespoons olive oil (or more depending on coverage)
- Freshly ground salt and pepper
- 1 tablespoon Mexican oregano (regular oregano is fine if you cannot find it)
- 1 ½ teaspoons cumin
- 1 ½ teaspoons smoked paprika
- 1 ½ cups vegetable or chicken stock
- 1 cup packed fresh cilantro leaves and stems
- ½ cup Mexican crema or heavy whipping cream, optional
- 2 tablespoons butter, optional
- Freshly ground salt and pepper, to taste
- Garnish with Pico de Guacamole, Cotija cheese, and tortilla chips
For the Pico de Guacamole
- 3 large avocados, ripe
- 1 pound Roma tomatoes, (3-4 medium), diced and seeds removed
- ½ large onion (1 cup chopped)
- 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and finely minced
- 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
- ½ cup cilantro, chopped
- 2 tablespoons lime juice, from 1 lime
- ½ teaspoon salt, or to taste
- ½ teaspoon black pepper
INSTRUCTIONS
For the Soup
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. Place red pepper, tomatoes, poblanos, tomatillos, jalapeños, onion, and garlic bulbs on the baking sheet and drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Season with salt and pepper; add Mexican oregano, cumin, and smoked paprika. Roast in the oven for 40-45 minutes.
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After blending, transfer to a colander over the pot and strain to remove the pulp. Return the pot to the stove and turn to medium-low heat. Add Mexican crema or heavy whipping cream and butter, (if using), and add salt and pepper to taste. Allow soup to simmer for 10 minutes before serving. Serve with Pico de Guacamole, Cotija cheese, and tortilla chips.
For the Pico de Guacamole
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Slice the avocados in half, remove the pit, and scoop into a mixing bowl. I like to whisk my avocados for a creamier texture.
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Add diced tomatoes, onion, jalapeno pepper, garlic, and chopped cilantro.
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Stir in lime juice, salt, and black pepper (or season to taste). Enjoy as a topping for the soup or eat on the side with chips.