From an early age, Southern girls are taught a few important things. First, that being gracious is never optional. Second, that we hold our heads high under all circumstances. And third, that yes, beauty does matter—both inner and outer, and always in that order of importance.

Pretty is as pretty does. Unless you grew up in the South drinking sweet tea and eating collard greens, you probably won’t understand. I started thinking about what being a Pageant Queen can teach us about living a well-lived life. People will judge you. Don’t give them a reason. Be a Queen and surround yourself with other like-minded people. As an adult, you don’t need to win a pageant to be a Queen. Each and every day, you get to choose to put a metaphorical crown on your head — to believe in yourself, show up even when it’s hard, to doubt your own doubt, and to not let anyone take you off of your throne.

You have a choice of who you surround yourself with. Choose other true Queens — the ones who’ll lift you up, tell you to get out there on the stage of your life, who will have the courage to tell you when you’re holding yourself back, love you even when you fail, see your success as inspiration instead of competition, and who just want to enjoy this magical experience of life with you. Women supporting women is a beautiful thing.

A true Southern Belle is someone who carries herself with pride. You’ll see her holding her head up high as she sits up straight. When she walks, she has an elegant gait that has most likely been practiced for hours in front of a mirror. Her teeth are always sparkling clean so she can flash that sweet southern smile. Everything about how the Southern Belle looks are intentional, including her windswept hair that may have taken hours to achieve.

Even if it might seem outdated, we're holding on to this practice passed down from our mamas and grandmamas and keeping gorgeously groomed no matter where we go. Not just because we're proud of where we came from, who we are, and how we look, but because—the way we see it—putting effort into looking your best whether you're doing yoga or grocery shopping is just good manners.

When I was younger, I didn’t fulfill the required beauty standards. Being the middle of two tall gorgeous dark-haired sisters, I was often mistaken as a boy. When people would comment on how beautiful they were, I would usually get a sympathetic pat on the head and a “you’re so cute.” My mother would always remind me that my beauty was on the inside. I think Audrey Hepburn, arguably the most iconic role model for all Southern Belles, was just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. To quote her “Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside, but it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.” Your essence is everything. Who you are as a person, is far more important than what you do; however, it never hurts to look your best while doing it. Not all of us are born beauty queens, but remember, occasionally it’s Miss Congeniality who takes home the crown.