Hook, Line and Sinker

A common misconception about Southern men is that their traditional upbringing and old school romantic ideals mean they treat their women like property. When you think of “Southern gentleman”, you think “old school”, and when you think of old school in a gender roles context, you immediately think of this expectation of women to stay home and do nothing but cook, clean, and raise babies. As understandable as this thinking is, in reality, it is simply untrue. Today’s Southern gentlemen were raised with a sense of tradition and respect, but they were also raised by a modern mama. In modern relationships, the sum of what Southern gentlemen have been told about how to treat women comes out to one main point: Be good to them. Be as good, loving, and supportive as possible. That’s how you become a good man. You can trust that whatever is important to you – whether it’s finishing grad school or getting a big promotion at work – your Southern gentleman is going to be a loving, encouraging platform of unbridled support. It’s just how he was raised.

My top 10 reasons why everyone should fall in love with a Southern Gentleman:

1. They are considerate

Sometimes it feels like an unfortunate side effect of more men starting to respect women as equals is that they are just a little less considerate because they’re afraid that any act of manly chivalry will be read as demeaning. But really, being thoughtful about another person’s needs and wants and generously trying to take them into account in little ways isn’t supposed to be a thing you do in a condescending, sexist way – it’s just how you treat women. Southern gentlemen know this. They know how to open doors and give you their coat without making you feel like a less capable human. Of course, you can take care of yourself – a Southern gent just wants to make little considerate efforts because it’s a lovely gesture of his respect for you.

2. They have excellent manners

Southern Hospitality is not just for the South. It’s treating your guests like they own the place. It’s offering to bring something to the table other than your physical self. It’s knowing which utensil to use so that whoever has cooked for you does not feel as though they’ve wasted their time. It’s standing when propriety warrants and it’s pushing in chairs. It’s insisting to help with the dishes. It’s knowing when and how to pitch in. A proper Southern gentleman always says please and thank you, yes ma’am and no sir to everyone, always. It shows respect in this wonderfully egalitarian way that reinforces the idea that nobody is innately better or worse than anyone else, and serves as a constant reminder to act as such. If you’re a woman who likes to go to social and professional events, this can be a tricky thing to deal with certain types of men. Southern gentlemen have no such issues. Learned good manners practically came before learning the alphabet. You will never have to worry about this guy being anything less than the perfect date for any occasion, whether it’s beers at a bar with your friends, or a black-tie work event.

3. They can handle any situation

Every Day Carry (EDC) is a common phrase among Southern men. To actively practice preparedness is a lesson learned for most. For Southern gentleman on a number of levels, being prepared starts with mental preparation. The Southern gentleman, in general, is a simple creature. His troubles are few and far between. However, from time to time, problems come up leaving him to fall back on one simple truth: Be prepared to handle anything. He learned this from his father, who learned this from his grandfather. Southern men have an absolute responsibility to care and provide for themselves and their families at all times. There is no exemption. That means that a Southern man, as husbands and fathers and grandfathers and Southern gentlemen, has a responsibility to be prepared to meet the challenges of times of crisis. They are Eagle Scouts.

4. They are good at fixing things

All Southern gentlemen are raised with the basic skills needed for home repair (aka duct tape can fix almost any problem). He will reach for his toolbox–not his phone–at the first sight of a leaky faucet or a sticky drawer. With him around, you can feel safe in knowing that the house won't fall down around you. However, when you're tired of looking at all those rolls of duct tape, call in the professionals (just be sure to wait for him to leave the house before you do).

5. They understand the importance of family

Developing diligent and unwavering senses of responsibility and commitment are pretty much the first chapters in the Southern Gentleman Handbook. There is nothing more important to them than family. The day a Southern gentleman meets his first kid is when all of the good things about him get even more pronounced and amazing. Becoming a dad is when these guys go into overdrive. They have waited their entire lives to pass down lessons to ensure that the southern way of life is preserved and protected.

6. They are fiercely protective

Southern gentlemen are raised with the understanding that their job – arguably their most important job – is to protect their women. At first glance, this can seem like an outdated, sexist idea, but in its present-day form, this thinking manifests as Southern gentlemen being protective of more than just their ladies’ physical safety. Despite what you may have seen in movies, real Southern gentlemen don’t go around punching out other men for looking at you. In real life, it means they are protective of all of your needs – they will give you the time and space to pursue your career, or take time for yourself, or nurture your relationships with friends. They will listen and actually, sincerely care about your well-being in all areas.

7. They understand charm

Southern hospitality isn't just a catchphrase, it's a way of life below the Mason Dixon line. We treat our guests like family in the South. As the saying goes, "There are no strangers, just friends we haven't met yet." And we extend this kindness to everyone, forming lifelong connections and opening our homes and hearts. The most powerful gesture of kindness in the South is often a simple handshake, and a proper Southern gentleman understands that good, firm grip still goes a long way here. What some deem as charming is just the natural Southern way of being kind, witty, and considerate to everyone we encounter, whether it be at the post office, grocery store, or at church. Having grace under pressure and making others feel welcome and comfortable is the definition of charming.

8. They value tradition

The idea of tradition still resonates very powerfully with these guys. They will not only carry on things from their parents (and grandparents, and great grandparents…) in how they do holidays, or marinate a steak, or what they do with their kids on their 10^th birthday, but they will invest in creating new traditions with you. It’s the stuff that forms and then continually reinforces bonds between people. It’s creating your own family culture. What makes them honorable men is their belief in something more, a sense of right and wrong. It’s a beautiful thing, and no one does it as well as Southern gentlemen.

9. They have sexy accents

Is there anything more attractive than a southern drawl? According to dating websites, over 36% of both men and women find the Southern accent more appealing than any other, and apparently, Europeans find the soft, slow Southern accent charming, sexy, and irresistible, too. Think Ryan Gosling in "The Notebook," or Matthew McConaughey in anything ever. Just about everything they say whether it’s reading the dictionary or confessing their love for you is completely swoon-worthy.

10. They love women

Above all else, this one. They love their mamas and they somewhat fear their grandmamas (as damn well they should). From birth, they have likely been surrounded by strong, admirable women. Hitching yourself to a man who was raised in an old school Southern way ensures you are going to be treasured and tremendously beloved for the rest of your days. His mama will always come first, and if she doesn't, throw him back immediately. She has always been the most important woman in his life, and he will compare every woman he meets to her. Mama's boy? Not so fast. In reality, all the things that attracted you to him were instilled by her. Just remember that his dad taught him how to be a man, but his mama taught him how to be Southern.

Being a real Southern gentleman revolves around one word: respect. It’s respect for you and for those around you. Being a gentleman isn’t a personality quirk. It’s not something you turn on and off like a switch. It’s a choice. It’s a lifestyle. And although it’s a reputation that’s quickly diminishing in today’s world, we as Southern mothers are doing our best to carry on the tradition.

To all of you still on the boat, don’t let yourself get catfished by imposters. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but not all of them are worth keeping. When you do find one that is a catch, hold tight while reeling in, because if it is southern-fried, I’m convinced you will fall in love with it hook, line and sinker.