When I was young, I had two ambitions - to become a secretary (just like my favorite Aunt Jean) or a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Unfortunately, my dreams of wearing white go-go boots fell flat (similar to my chest). However, as I aged, I stopped asking myself, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" and focused on the question 'God, why am I here?"
Recently, I had a conversation with my older sister, and she said that maybe her goal here on earth was only to be a good wife, a better mother, and work in the service of others. I paused and then told her my story.
I have always been a highly anxious person. Part of it is DNA from a long line of Southern women, but there was one traumatic event that put my nerves in overdrive. When I was in kindergarten, a classmate of mine was kidnapped from our schoolyard. At the time, I was an unknowing witness. There was a man handing out dollar bills to the children after school. I really wanted to follow the herd, but my cautiousness told me to stay in the carpool line and wait for my mother. The next day when it was announced by our teacher, I started questioning the safety of everyone I loved. That heightened sense of panic stayed with me for over 40 years. From that point, it became my job to worry. Naturally, when I became a mother, my fear escalated and was transferred to my children.
One afternoon, while driving to pick my boys up from school, I saw a very small child walking alone on a busy road. I was already late for carpooling (which was odd because I was always first in line), but something (or someone) told me to stop the car. The boy, who was carrying a red plastic sand pail, looked way too young to be all alone. I pulled over, cautiously approached, and asked if he had walked off a playground nearby. He responded simply with, "Miss Sissy left me." Confused, I tried different questioning tactics, but the answer was always the same.
I knew a fire station nearby, so I encouraged him to walk with me there to ask for help, but he refused. I remembered that it was the last day of school for some of the neighboring kids, so I knelt beside him and asked if he wanted me to help find his teacher. With his permission, I reluctantly put him into my car. I knew that this was dangerous, but it was more important to secure his safety than my own.
From the school, I later learned that Miss Sissy was his nanny. He was autistic. It was his last day of kindergarten, and she had picked him up as usual. At some point, she had gotten angry with him, stopped the car, and left him on the side of the road. And while the whole incident was surreal at the time, it seems I had been training for it my entire life.
After I left him in caring hands, the most extraordinary thing happened. Even in the midst of chaos, my burdens were released. My anxiety, which had been caged inside of me for so long, was suddenly set free. I physically felt it empty from the inside. It's inexplicable, other than I knew, without a doubt, that God chose for me to be a witness and not a victim so many years ago. I finally understood my purpose.
God is a giver. He has the answers, and He has our back. We just can't do some things ourselves, but that is exactly how He designed it. All we have to do is trust Him and come to Him. He does the rest. All of those things I worried about worked out, one way or another. My self-imposed worry was causing horrible physical symptoms, and it wasn't until I took a breath, rested, truly came to Jesus, got quiet, let go of all the details, told God that I trusted Him completely, and then learned to do nothing that I finally found peace. My prayers became less about my situation and more about my trust in Him.
You are the main character in your life story, but other people are the main characters in their own lives. And sometimes, you can find healing just by playing a supporting role in someone else's experience. To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for and to be certain of the things we cannot see.
God answers prayers on His own time, not ours. He operates according to a divine plan that we may not fully understand.
Waiting on God's timing requires trust in His wisdom and patience, even when our prayers seem unanswered. God's answers to prayers can be yes, no, or wait, and sometimes they come in ways we don't expect, but always for our best interest.
Prayer is not just about getting our requests fulfilled but also about deepening our relationship with God and learning to trust Him.
In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." God, I am so used to handling things on my own. Yet I am open to your guidance and love, and I know that you have all the answers to life's questions. As his child, I never discounted my presence on earth and the meaning of my life, even on the hardest of days. I know God is doing the work here, not me. And with that trust, I am weary no more.
Lobster Bisque
INGREDIENTS
For the Bisque
- 4 large (8 small) lobster tails (or 2 cups meat)
- 4 tablespoons butter
- 1 onion, chopped
- 2 carrots, peeled and chopped
- 2 stalks celery, chopped
- 1 tablespoon fresh thyme
- 1 tablespoon fresh tarragon chopped, plus more to serve
- 1 tablespoon shrimp bouillon powder
- ½ teaspoon salt
- ½ teaspoon cracked black pepper
- ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
- 4 cloves garlic minced
- 2 tablespoons tomato paste
- 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
- 1 cup dry white wine
- 4 cups seafood or fish stock
- 1 bay leaf
- ½ cup cooking sherry
- 1 cup heavy cream
- ½ lemon, juiced
For the Lobster
- 2 tablespoons butter
- 2 cloves garlic minced
- ½ cracked black pepper to taste
INSTRUCTIONS
- Fill a large pot with an inch of water. Add the lobster tails to a steamer basket, cover with a lid, and let steam for 4-6 minutes or until bright red. Do not overcook.
- Remove lobster tails. When the lobsters have cooled slightly, remove the meat from the shells, reserving the meat and any liquid that comes out of the shells. Chop the meat into bite-sized pieces and refrigerate. Save your lobster shells and freeze them to make future homemade seafood stock.
- Heat butter in a large, heavy-based pot over medium heat. Sweat the onions, carrots, and celery. Cook until soft, about 5 minutes. Stir in 4 cloves of minced garlic and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute.
- Season with fresh herbs, salt, black pepper, cayenne if using, and shrimp bouillon powder
- Mix in tomato paste and cook for a further minute to coat the vegetables. Sprinkle over flour and cook, stirring occasionally, for 2 minutes.
- Pour in the wine, simmer, and let reduce to half. Stir in lobster stock and add bay leaf. Reduce heat and gently simmer, stirring occasionally, until the liquid has thickened slightly and the flavors have blended, about 30 minutes.
- Remove the lobster meat from the refrigerator. Melt butter in a skillet pan over medium heat. Sauté garlic for 30 seconds, until fragrant. Add chopped lobster meat and season with black pepper. Lightly sauté for 1 minute, stirring occasionally, until lobster meat is just warmed through.
- Take the soup off the stove and remove the bay leaf. Transfer the mixture to a blender with ¾ of the lobster meat (reserve ¼ of the meat for the soup topping); blend until smooth. Alternatively, purée with an immersion blender until very smooth. Return to medium-low heat and stir in cooking sherry, heavy cream, and lemon juice.
- Ladle soup into bowls. Top with reserved lobster meat and garnish with fresh chopped tarragon.
