Love is a complex emotion. It has the ability to encompass your whole being and take over not only your heart but also your mind. I have always been considered naïve by my family. When I was younger my parents were afraid that I was either going to be abducted by aliens or worse, brainwashed by a cult handing out flowers at the airport. To them, I had a simple mind and a humble heart. My mama would say that I attracted stray dogs – choosing relationships with people who needed lots of attention. My sensitivity served as a place where lost souls could find a home. The only problem was that most of the time these strays were rabid.
Everyone in this world is a little broken and has their fair share of past heartache. When we meet someone, who is damaged and a heart full of pain, we see a piece of ourselves in them. We spend endless amounts of time pouring into their lives and working to glue the pieces of their heart back together because we hope that someone would do the same for us. If we felt the way they did or experienced the emotions they are consumed with, we hope that someone would work to fix us and mend our hearts back together.
Loving a broken or damaged person is not a bad thing, and I believe that everyone in this world deserves to be loved and to experience love, but loving someone, damaged or not, who does not pour into you like you do to him or her, can be emotionally draining – a love that is all-consuming and can swallow you whole. One that keeps you up late at night and makes you feel empathetic, but a love that hurts and requires you to hold onto the moments of high to get through the moments of heart-shattering pain.
When we appease someone, typically by making a minor concession or helping them in some way, we are in essence throwing out a bone. But for some people, once you give them a scrap, they never leave. Mama always said that once you feed a stray dog you couldn't run him off with a stick – he's yours for life. A person like me with a fixer mentality must repair anything I perceive as defective, hurt, or lacking in happiness. After all I carry my own wounds of unhappiness, so when I have the energy, I pour it all onto others.
Unfortunately, a lot of fixers struggle with unresolved issues of past childhood abuse. As humans, we tend to gravitate toward the familiar; we’re drawn towards damaged people because we ourselves may be damaged. However, people-pleasers are often taken advantage of because of their genuine naivety. If you’re constantly worried about the comfort, welfare, and success of others, then you begin to neglect your own. There’s also a sense of desperation in this, or at least what others assume to be desperation. When malevolent or otherwise not-so-nice people sense this desperation – this need to makes others feel happy – they’re sure to take advantage of it. They’ll run you into the ground with their requests or with their needs because they know that they’re in control of when you get to be happy.
Loving someone is not meant to be easy. It is hard work, but it is hard work you enjoy doing. Love leads to passion, sacrifice, happiness, and sometimes heartbreak. It can lead to intense highs and intense lows. It is an emotion that truly encompasses all other feelings we can experience. We strive to pull out every hint of goodness in them and fix, or lighten, the load of the baggage they have been dragging with them.
My therapist explained my rescuing and restorative attitude gives meaning to my life, and there is nothing wrong with loving someone broken, but relationships should be centered around a love that sharpens both people, a love that holds onto the goodness of each individual and constantly works to bring that out of them. Healthy relationships consist of mutual respect, love, and acceptance between partners. Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with them. Every person and everything wants to be loved. I’ve thought about why it is I feel the need to help others. After believing I was the caretaker for so long, perhaps it's me who's been begging for the bone. Whether you are the savior or the one being saved, one thing I know for sure – there is a reason dog is considered man’s best friend.
Lemon-Garlic-Marinated Steak Frites
INGREDIENTS
- 10 garlic cloves, peeled
- 1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
- Kosher salt and freshly cracked pepper
- 1 1/4 -pound flank steak
- ¾ cup fresh lemon juice (from about 4 lemons)
- 1 tablespoon dried oregano
For Frites
- 2 large russet potatoes
- Peanut and vegetable oil
- Salt and Pepper
- Serve with Duke's Dipping Sauce
INSTRUCTIONS
- In a small saucepan, cover the garlic cloves with olive oil and cook over low heat until the garlic is tender and golden brown, 35 to 40 minutes. Strain the garlic through a fine sieve set over a small bowl; reserve the garlicky olive oil for the marinade. In a small bowl, mash the garlic with 1 tablespoon of salt and pepper. Rub garlic paste all over the flank steaks
- In a medium bowl, whisk the lemon juice with the garlic oil and the oregano. Place the steak in a 9-by-13-inch baking dish and coat with 1/2 of the lemony marinade. Let stand at room temperature for 1 hour.
- Light a grill. Remove the steaks from the marinade, pat dry, and season with salt and pepper. Discard the marinade. Grill the steaks over moderately high heat, turning once, until lightly charred and an instant-read thermometer inserted in the thickest part registers 125°, 8 to 10 minutes. Dip the grilled steaks in the remaining marinade in the bowl and transfer to a carving board. Let stand for 5 minutes. Thinly slice the meat against the grain and serve.
- Both the garlic rub and the marinade can be refrigerated overnight. Bring to room temperature before using.
For Frites
- Peel and rinse the potatoes, then cut them into sticks by cutting the potato in four or five vertical pieces, then cutting each piece into sticks. Place them in a large bowl and cover with cold water, then allow them to soak for two or three hours. (You can also stick them in the fridge and let them soak for several hours or overnight.)
- When you're ready to make the fries, drain off the water and lay them on two baking sheets lined with paper towels. Blot them with paper towels to dry them.
- Heat a few inches of oil in a heavy pot to 300 degrees. In 3 or 4 batches, cook the potatoes for about 4 to 5 minutes per batch, or until the potatoes are soft. They should not be brown at all at this point! You just want to start the cooking process. Remove each batch and drain them on new/dry paper towels.
- Once all the potatoes have been fried at 300, turn up the heat until the oil reaches 400 degrees. When the oil's hot, start frying the potatoes in batches again, cooking until the fries are golden and crisp. Remove from the oil and drain on paper towels.
- Sprinkle fries with sea salt and pepper. Serve steak and Frites with Duke's Dipping Sauce.
