There’s probably a worse name than “leftover” for those of us who are much older, having been married and divorced or widowed, or never married and remain single. In Western culture, the names for those who have never been married have been “spinster” or “old maid;” however, there is no word for older divorcees and widows. To say women are leftover means they are commodities on the market and haven’t been selected or chosen by the consumer. Life isn’t a marriage market; women are not oranges or tomatoes to be picked over, squeezed, chosen, left in the bin, or disposed of. Women aren’t food scraps. We are human beings.
The first in my family to be divorced, I became the familial black sheep. It made no difference that I was not the one who committed the marital felony by initiating the divorce. Still, by being simply an accomplice, I had scribbled SHAME on the matrimonial clean slate. Over the past thirty years, divorce rates have doubled after more women have found the courage to step out of a relationship they don’t wish to continue. However, unreasonable judgments are used to shame these women for ending their marriages. The choice to leave a marriage should not be a reason to decide a woman’s character. After all, isn’t divorce just a glorified breakup with an extra certificate?
Feeling like a failure after a divorce is typical because it has its roots in lessons you learned from a very young age. When you started school, you learned to see tasks, tests, and homework as things you either passed or failed. You just had to do things well enough to pass compared to the rest of your class. To fail, you had to ignore the assignment or display a complete lack of effort. When you apply this training to a failed marriage, it’s way too easy to conclude that you must be a failure because now you’re divorced. And that’s where feeling the accompanying shame comes in.
The experience of marriage doesn’t suddenly depreciate a woman’s value. After a breakup, divorced women are still the same person, albeit more knowledgeable. Like women who broke up with their partners without marriage, they give themselves a chance to restart and find happiness after a disappointing relationship. Both have left a relationship to improve themselves, are seeking the right path in their lives, and are healing from the pain their last relationships might have caused.
According to the “social criteria,” if a woman has the added factor of being married before compared to those who weren’t, they are considered as “used” and “second-handed.” It’s as if divorced women are worn out, like toys or clothes. The term “used” claims that her previous partner has utilized her thoroughly. However, being “used” also meant that the woman had been through a marriage and experienced what married life is like. She has learned and encountered the responsibilities and complications of being a wife. She knows what they should do as a married couple to create a happy environment for the household. Now that her marriage has ended, she probably knows what a happy married life should be. She can guide you through the rights and wrongs of a married relationship.
Self-worth is a constant conversation most women have with themselves, but I have grappled with it all my life. You may not realize that you devalue yourself daily, and sometimes, it takes a significant event for you to pause, recognize your life for what it is, and take action. Never forget your values, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
For many meals, leftovers are even better the second time because they are “planned overs.” Some dishes improve over time because they include a multitude of ingredients, each one with a distinct aromatic property that adds additional flavors to a dish. Maybe you are just beginning to marinate a new relationship. I encourage you to mingle together and develop a seasoned taste. Relationships, like food, need to mellow for the flavors to expand. Remember, it’s not leftovers that are wasteful, but the ones who don’t know what to do with them that are.
Mexican Chicken Stew with a Creamy Avocado Sauce
INGREDIENTS
For the Chicken
- 1 1/2 pound skinless, boneless chicken breasts or cutlets
- 1 teaspoon EACH: onion powder, kosher salt, and fresh cracked pepper
- 3 tablespoons olive oil
For the Soup
- 1 large white onion, diced
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 jalapeño, seeded and minced (optional)
- 1 tablespoon dried oregano
- 1 teaspoon ground cumin
- 1 teaspoon ground coriander
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1 (14-ounce) can fire-roasted diced tomatoes
- 2 pounds Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and diced
- 6 cups chicken stock
- 2 bay leaves
- 1/2 cup salsa Verde
- 1 (15.5-ounce) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
- juice of one lime
For the Sauce
- 2 ripe avocados
- 1 cup cilantro (packed)
- 1/2 chicken or vegetable stock
- 1 medium chopped white onion
- 2 cloves garlic
- juice from 1-2 limes
- 1 seeded jalapeño (use half for less spicy sauce)
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- tortilla chips for dipping
INSTRUCTIONS
For the Soup
-
Heat olive oil in a large Dutch oven or pot over medium-high heat. Add chicken breasts seasoned with onion powder, salt, and pepper to the pan. Cook 5-7 minutes on each side or until the chicken is almost done. Remove and shred into bite-sized pieces.
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Add chopped onion to the pan with additional oil if needed. Saute for 4 minutes or until the onions are softened. Add jalapeno (if using) and garlic and saute for 2 minutes.
- Add salt, oregano, cumin, and coriander to the vegetables, combining well. Add tomatoes, potatoes, shredded chicken, chicken stock, and bay leaves to pot. Bring to a simmer and cover. Cook for 10-12 minutes or until potatoes are almost done. Do not overcook. Remove bay leaves.
- Add salsa Verde and pinto beans. Cook for 3-5 minutes or until potatoes are fork-tender. Stir in lime juice just before serving.
- Serve with avocado sauce, tortilla chips, fresh cilantro, and limes.
For the Sauce
Add all ingredients to a blender or food processor. Blend on high until smooth. If the mixture is too thick, add more stock, 1 tablespoon at a time. Taste and add more lime and salt if desired.
