Mushroom & Spinach Lasagna

Can I tell you a secret? Gossip is an art form that we’ve perfected down South.

There are two types of Southern women: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, and If you can’t say anything nice, come sit by me.

Most of us have encountered or know someone who is a gossip, especially if you live in a very small town. They can spread a rumor faster than a forest fire, and someone is always getting burned. We refer to these self-appointed moralists as "The Mouth of the South" for sharing unsolicited opinions of other’s private lives. You may be tempted to listen to them, but you know never ever to share with them.

Before cable news and social media, there was gossip. Humans have been spilling the tea forever. At its heart, gossip is about connectivity. It’s how people bond. Sharing gossip says, “I trust you with this secret, and now we’re in this together.” It creates a sense of intimacy that’s hard to replicate with boring small talk.

Life can be messy, unpredictable, and sometimes painfully dull. Gossip introduces a bit of excitement into our lives. It reminds us that even the most polished individuals have hidden flaws—if not skeletons in their closets, then at least some mildly embarrassing habits. In the monotony of daily life, gossip acts as a spark of chaos. It keeps things interesting, gives us something to laugh about, and reminds us that no one has everything figured out.

Instead of outright talking about someone, a Southerner might say we must pray for them. Blessing your heart has so many layers and meanings. It allows us to say something mean in the nicest way possible.

From the simple "Oh, you know I don’t like to gossip…" to "And I'm not trying to judge ..." we've made conversing a footnote in storytelling. It's not (too) petty, and it's definitely entertaining. It makes for a good juicy tale, especially if drama and scandal are involved.

No one wants a boring story, so gossip is so elaborate. It's been around since the dawn of time, and I don’t see it going anywhere anytime soon. It’s a front porch, sweet tea-sipping activity with three rules: Be entertaining, Be respectful, and Be careful.

Southerners are discreet and polite, not to mention we think we know everything, but there are rules and ethics to gossip. One of the first lessons a mother teaches a child is to THINK before you speak. THINK stands for True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind. Pushing the mental pause button can help you take control, make good decisions, talk less, and listen more.

Southerners already have their language and phrases that don’t make a lick of sense to anyone else in the world, so how we choose to gossip is no different. It's all about your tone and delivery. You sound concerned, like your heart is breaking for them. There’s a fine line between gossip and outright slander. The golden rule of gossiping is simple: don’t be cruel. If it will hurt someone unnecessarily, maybe keep it to yourself.

But if it’s harmless fun or serves as a cautionary tale? It’s fair game. Just remember, gossiping responsibly is part of the art.

Southerners will never talk about you, but they will put you on the prayer chain list. We can share everyone’s business while praying for them because we are doing the Lord’s work. You are absolved of moral indiscretion by bringing in the ministry and blessing their hearts.

Timing is everything and tone matters. You can’t sound too eager, or you’ll appear ugly. Instead, adopt a tone of reluctant curiosity: “I probably shouldn’t say this, but…” Know your audience. The wrong piece of gossip in the wrong group is a disaster waiting to happen. A true artist knows who can handle the tea and who will spill it all over the place.

Southern women don’t gossip. We tell stories. If gossip is just a story, and we are universal storytellers.

Just like a grapevine can twist and turn, information can become distorted or exaggerated as it passes from person to person. Many are careless with our chosen words, yet words are powerful. Words reveal our attitudes and sensitivities, reflecting our identity.

The problem is that once words exit our mouths, no amount of apologies can make them retract. Blurting something out and then trying to take it back is like closing the gate after the horse has bolted. So the next time you want to tell someone else’s story, remember there is probably someone out there telling yours. But this is just between you and me. Shh…it’s our little secret.