Run Forrest Run

There is no accent quite like the southern accent, and there is no Southern accent quite like that of a Southern woman. My only nephew Forrest is getting married in June to a New Yorker. Her last name? Wait for it…Cuomo. Lord have mercy; a Yank and a Ya’ll are getting hitched. Our families had the chance to meet last month, (my mother still thinks a green card is required when traveling above the Mason-Dixon line) and we couldn’t love them more.  My sister is hosting a Southern-accented rehearsal dinner which will have all your basic food groups: starch, BBQ, sugar, and pimento cheese. Given the language barrier, this event requires special cocktail napkins of Southern sayings so when we say, “Honey, the sweet teas over yonder. I’m fixin’ to go get me a glass. Want some?” the Northeners won’t need to ask for a translation.

There are certain sounds that are distinctly Southern, like the hum of cicadas or the rumble of hot thunder on a summer afternoon. But by far, the most distinct auditory clue, the South's calling card of sorts, is the melodic sound of a true Southern woman. Not all accents are alike, but just enough sweetness carries over from Appalachia to Alabama to tie them all together, marking a certain Southern way of speaking. And a Southern drawl doesn't go unnoticed wherever she is. If someone's ever stopped you mid-sentence or insists you say "y'all" one more time, you can relate. Here are 10 things only girls with Southern accents will understand:

1. You're constantly being told everything your accent is or is not. "Oh my gosh, your accent is so _____? There is only one correct answer – Perfect.
2. You experience two instances where it genuinely gets stronger. More often than not, these situations are one and the same. One, when you're angry, and two, when you're talking to family.
3. You dare not travel without your accent. In fact, you may even need to play it up when you cross the Southern border, just to avoid all those "…but where's your accent?" or "It's just not as strong as I expected…" Don't want to let anyone down.
4. You seem to have a lot more luck getting what you want than your friends not blessed with such a persuasive, genteel drawl.
5. You're driven crazy by a poorly executed fake Southern accent. Hollywood please, for the love of God, just stop.
6. You should prepare for the entire conversation to derail if you say fixin’ in front of a crowd, not from the South.
7. You have a way of glazing over the harshest of criticisms. No comment is too petty to be sweetened up with a Southern accent. Remember no one outside our perimeter will understand your true intent when you “Bless Their Heart.”
8. You know there's no "one" Southern accent. Those cousins of yours out in east Tennessee might not sound like kin to your momma's family in southern Mississippi. But you'd take any one of the many Southern accents over any other variety, any day.
9. Your speech is nice and slow, and you’re not worried about where you need to be. When speaking you take your time and enjoy the conversation. You know the Southern drawl is irresistible so you’re going to let outsiders savor every single second.
10. Your twang is unique and quite distinctive from your drawl. When you know, you know.

However, the most important thing you know is that your gift for gab is genuine. You may move out of the South, but your accent will be forever. While Kristyn may never be Southern, she already knows what “Gimme some sugar” means and has Duke’s flowing through her veins. Run Forrest Run to that alter. This one’s a keeper.