Lost and Found
Love is a complex emotion. It has the ability to encompass your whole being and take over not only your heart but also your mind. I have always been considered naïve by my family. When I was younger my parents were afraid that I was either going to be abducted by aliens or worse, brainwashed by a cult handing out flowers at the airport. To them, I had a simple mind and a humble heart. My mama would say that I attracted stray dogs – choosing relationships with people who needed lots of attention. My sensitivity served as a place where lost souls could find a home. The only problem was that most of the time these strays were rabid.
Everyone in this world is a little broken and has their fair share of past heartache. When we meet someone, who is damaged and a heart full of pain, we see a piece of ourselves in them. We spend endless amounts of time pouring into their lives and working to glue the pieces of their heart back together because we hope that someone will do the same for us. If we felt the way they did or experienced the emotions they are consumed with, we hope that someone would work to fix us and mend our hearts back together.
Loving a broken or damaged person is not a bad thing, and I believe that everyone in this world deserves to be loved and to experience love, but loving someone, damaged or not, who does not pour into you like you do to him or her, can be emotionally draining – a love that is all-consuming and can swallow you whole. One that keeps you up late at night and makes you feel empathetic, but a love that hurts and requires you to hold onto the moments of high to get through the moments of heart-shattering pain.
When we appease someone, typically by making a minor concession or helping them in some way, we are in essence throwing out a bone. But for some people, once you give them a scrap, they never leave. Mama always said that once you feed a stray dog you couldn't run him off with a stick – he's yours for life. A person like me with a fixer mentality must repair anything I perceive as defective, hurt, or lacking in happiness. After all, I carry my own wounds of unhappiness, so when I have the energy, I pour it all onto others.
Unfortunately, a lot of fixers struggle with unresolved issues of past childhood abuse. As humans, we tend to gravitate toward the familiar; we’re drawn towards damaged people because we ourselves may be damaged. However, people-pleasers are often taken advantage of because of their genuine naivety. If you’re constantly worried about the comfort, welfare, and success of others, then you begin to neglect your own. There’s also a sense of desperation in this, or at least what others assume to be desperation. When malevolent or otherwise not-so-nice people sense this desperation – this need to make others feel happy – they’re sure to take advantage of it. They’ll run you into the ground with their requests or with their needs because they know that they’re in control of when you get to be happy.
Loving someone is not meant to be easy. It is hard work, but it is hard work you enjoy doing. Love leads to passion, sacrifice, happiness, and sometimes heartbreak. It can lead to intense highs and intense lows. It is an emotion that truly encompasses all other feelings we can experience. We strive to pull out every hint of goodness in them and fix, or lighten, the load of the baggage they have been dragging with them.
My therapist explained my rescuing and restorative attitude gives meaning to my life, and there is nothing wrong with loving someone broken, but relationships should be centered around a love that sharpens both people, a love that holds onto the goodness of each individual and constantly works to bring that out of them. Healthy relationships consist of mutual respect, love, and acceptance between partners. Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with them. Every person and everything wants to be loved. I’ve thought about why it is I feel the need to help others. After believing I was the caretaker for so long, perhaps it's me who's been begging for the bone. Whether you are the savior or the one being saved, one thing I know for sure – there is a reason a dog is considered man’s best friend.
Salisbury Steak Meatballs with Garlic Herb Mashed Potatoes
INGREDIENTS
- 3 pounds large Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and diced
- large handful of kosher salt for boiling water
- 1 cup butter, softened
- 2 tablespoons fresh garlic
- ¼ cup grated parmesan cheese
- 2 tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- ½ teaspoon freshly cracked pepper
- ¼ teaspoon paprika
- 1 cup half & half, warmed
INSTRUCTIONS
For the Meatballs
- Place the breadcrumbs in a large bowl. Using a standard box grater, grate the onion over the panko so it soaks in. Mix through.
- Add remaining Meatball ingredients and mix well with your hands until thoroughly combined. Do not overmix.
- Roll out 16-18 balls. I overfill an ice cream scoop with lever. Top with more black pepper.
- Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the meatballs and cook until browned on all sides, for about 6-8 minutes.
- Remove the meatballs from the skillet and set aside. The meatballs will continue to cook in the gravy, so it's okay if they are still a raw inside. Alternatively, you can cook the meatballs in a 375F oven for 15 minutes. Just drizzle the olive oil on top.
For the Gravy
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Melt butter in a skillet. Add sliced onion and cook for 5 minutes.
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Add mushrooms and cook until they release their moisture and start to brown, about 5 minutes.
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Add garlic and cook for one minute. Stir in oregano or thyme, pepper and dry mustard. Spoon in bouillon base and pour in 2 cups beef broth and bring to a boil. Add Worcestershire and A.1. steak sauce.
- Make slurry by combing flour and the remaining two tablespoons of beef stock. Stir until incorporated and add to the skillet.
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Return meatballs to the skillet. Simmer for 5 minutes or until the meatballs are cooked through. Taste and adjust salt level to your liking - the bouilon base is very salty.
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Finish off with chopped parsley and freshly ground black pepper. Serve over mashed potatoes.
For the Potatoes
- Place diced potatoes, in a large pot and pour in cold water to cover by 1". Add a large handful of kosher salt (water should taste briny, like the ocean) and bring to a boil on the stovetop over high heat. Reduce heat and simmer until potatoes are very tender but not crumbly, 30–35 minutes. Drain, briefly rinse with cool water to remove any excess starch, and return potatoes to warm pot (off heat) to dry while you make the butter.
- Combine softened butter, minced garlic, and parmesan cheese in a small bowl. Season with garlic powder, pepper, and paprika. Stir in parsley. Mix until smooth.
- Pass hot potatoes through ricer or food mill into a large bowl (cold potatoes will become gummy). Add garlic butter (start with half, you can always add more) and 2 teaspoons kosher salt and stir until butter is completely incorporated. Pour warm half & half into potatoes ½-cupful at a time, stirring after each addition until liquid is fully incorporated and mixture is smooth before adding more. If you feel that you still need more liquid, heat another ½ cup of half & half and add.
- Season with fresh cracked black pepper
