Slaw and Order: Southern Victims Unit
"In the culinary justice system, mayonnaise offenses are considered especially heinous. The dedicated detectives who investigate these crimes are known as the Southern Victims Unit. These are their stories."
Mayo loyalty is not to be trifled with. There may be people out there making two batches of potato salad or coleslaw, labeling them Mayo A and Mayo B, serving them at picnics and barbecues for taste tests, and then taking the time to write about the experiment on the Internet, but I can bet you 25 to life, they aren’t from below the Mason Dixon line. Ask what brand of mayonnaise do Southerners like best, and we’ll immediately spot an intruder. The question suggests that there is more than one acceptable mayonnaise brand – there is not.
There is one particular mayonnaise that reigns supreme, especially in the South. If you've spent any time below the Mason Dixon Line, you already know the mayonnaise brand I'm talking about. Here there is passion in action, and there is only Duke’s. It's not news that most Southern cooks and eaters are fiercely loyal to our brands, but rather it's a matter of taste and decorum. Duke's mayonnaise remains sugar-free, which is rare among bottled condiments these days. We like our tea sweet not our sandwiches. It wasn't necessarily a stroke of culinary genius for Eugenia Thomas to leave her mayo unsweetened—although it was—so much as a practical response to sugar rationing during the war. Duke's contains a higher ratio of egg yolks than most other commercial mayos, which makes it rich, creamy, and less likely to separate when heated. There's a wisp of tang from the vinegar and a touch of paprika. Its texture is thicker and almost custard-like instead of simply slick or gelatinous. All of this makes Duke's look and taste more like homemade mayonnaise, a wonderful thing that is quite tedious to perfect.
Duke's is the brand that many of us Southerners grew up on, so it's the mayo that tastes like what we expect and crave. Most food memories of this caliber require the replication of a prized family recipe. Duke's requires only the twist of that signature bright yellow lid. Each new jar is a fresh start full of promise, a legacy, and luxury for about four bucks a pop. With every opening of a new jar, old memories seep into our dishes and our tables.
Not using Duke’s is a punishable crime in the South. Risk substituting another brand and getting caught (and you will), and you may never, ever get invited to another backyard barbeque or church picnic. People may talk (and they will) and tell you “this seat is taken,” while you and your family try to find an empty seat at next Sunday’s service. It is almost as offensive as dumping a grocery store brand into a bowl and calling it your own. Actually, in our opinion, someone who doesn’t know how to cook is less of a capital offense than someone slaughtering it…bless their heart. The tangy Southern staple that has held together countless chicken, potato, and egg salads, Pyrex dishes of pimento cheese, and even chocolate cakes, also has bound families together for generations.
There was the man on his hospital death bed who asked for a tomato sandwich made with Duke's. There was the mother of the bride who, after the company made its switch from glass to plastic containers in 2005, demanded four glass jars with labels intact to use as centerpieces at her daughter's wedding. And there was the elderly woman from North Carolina. She wrote in hopes of obtaining just three glass jars, saying she'd like to be cremated and have her ashes placed in the containers for her three daughters.
Not liking Duke's might be enough to get you disowned, or at least dis-invited from the family reunion in some parts of the South; we take our mayonnaise seriously around here. With its incredibly creamy base and pleasantly tangy overtones, Duke's mayonnaise is everything you ever wanted from an extra creamy, joyously spread that puts Hellmann's to shame. But if you still think there is a better mayonnaise out there…
"You have the right to be wrong. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to call an attorney, but don’t even think about asking someone around here to help you out. Even your momma can’t even save you now.”
However you slice it, the South and Duke’s are a perfect match….DUN DUN!
Slow Cooker North Carolina Vinegar-Based BBQ and Slaw
This recipe is for anyone living above the Mason-Dixon line who cannot find Duke's locally. This is an acceptable alternative for slaw...at least in the Carolinas.
INGREDIENTS
For the BBQ
- 1 (5-pound) bone-in pork shoulder roast
- 1 tablespoon kosher salt
- ½ teaspoon ground black pepper, or to taste
- 1 ½ cups apple cider vinegar
- 2 tablespoons brown sugar
- 1 ½ tablespoons hot pepper sauce
- 2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
- 2 teaspoons crushed red pepper flakes
For the Slaw
- 1 large head cabbage
- 1 medium sweet onion
- 2 medium carrots
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar, or as desired
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 2/3 cup vegetable oil, such as corn oil, grapeseed, safflower, peanut, or canola
- 1 teaspoon dry mustard
- 1 teaspoon celery seeds
- 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
- 1 cup vinegar, white or apple cider
- 1/4 cup fresh dill (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS
- For the BBQ: Place pork shoulder into a slow cooker and season with salt, pepper, cayenne, red pepper, and brown sugar. Rub seasoning into the meat. Pour the hot sauce on top. Pour the vinegar around the pork. Cover, and cook on Low for 12 hours. Pork should easily pull apart into strands.
- For the Slaw: Cut a slice off the stem end of the cabbage and set it, the flat stem end down, on a cutting board. With a sharp chef's knife, slice the cabbage into quarters, slicing from top to bottom. Cut the core out of each quarter.
- Slice the cabbage, onion, and carrots into thin strips. Using a food processor, pulse the vegetables to the desired consistency.
- In a large serving bowl, combine the shredded vegetables. Add the sugar, salt, oil, dry mustard, celery seed, pepper, vinegar, and dill (if using).
- Cover and refrigerate the coleslaw until thoroughly chilled.
