Hi, I'm Xandy, and I'm directionally challenged. Without using a GPS or Google Maps, I'm not actually sure I would have gotten anywhere, like ever.
People can’t just tell me to “head north” or “head east.” That doesn’t help me in any way whatsoever. The only “north” I really feel sure about is North West, as in… the Kardashian.
I cringe when people tell me to go “x miles” until I turn left at the light. I have no sense of mileage whatsoever. Honestly, it would be better if they just told me to drive for three Beyoncé songs and then turn left at the light.
If I enter a busy and/or large store through one door and exit out another, I am completely thrown off and have to take at least ten minutes to reorient myself and figure out which way you’re supposed to go.
I can never remember which way to exit the mall department store in order to get back to my car in terms of “it was a left around this corner and then a right there.” Rather, you think, “Well, there were a bunch of funky-looking colorful socks in the corner, so if I see them, I’m on the right path.”
The most confident I've ever felt in terms of getting from one place to another is when I'm already inside an airport going from one gate to another. But only because there are signs literally every five feet that are basically saying “Good job! You are nailing this! Just make it another five feet and we’ll give you another arrow telling you that you’re going the right way.”
Going on a road trip with friends means I'm always somewhere in the back. You’re not helpful enough to be the navigator in the passenger seat, and your friends would have to be insane to even consider letting you actually attempt to drive the vehicle somewhere. So usually I'm placed in the back with a pitying “You can do the music!”
I'm the person who actually stops at looks at the giant map when I'm inside any kind of mall, atrium, or conference center. I spend at least thirty seconds finding the “YOU ARE HERE” guiding star, and then another ten minutes trying to understand exactly which way I need to go to get to the food court.
When I think about the fact that people used to be able to figure their way around simply by looking at the sun, I'm like “Thank God for Siri."
If I ever have to participate in a caravan of cars, people will do anything to make sure I'm somewhere in the middle with some safe padding. If I'm the lead car, everybody’s screwed. If I'm the last car, they know they’ll lose me within twenty-seven seconds. Best to attempt to keep you somewhere in the middle so that the chances of you getting lost go from 100% down to like 74%.
Whenever I'm on the phone with my husband and he's trying to help me figure out how to get home, it’s usually just five minutes of worthlessness. He'll ask me what cross streets am at, and I usually reply with “Umm… there’s a Ruby Tuesday’s on my right?” Most of the time, I honestly just find my way home –like anything else I'm looking for – by accident.
South by Southwest Salad with Tajin Chicken and Cornbread Croutons
INGREDIENTS
For the Chicken
- 1 ½ pounds chicken, I prefer tenders
- 1 tablespoon Tajín Clásico Chile Lime Seasoning
- 1 teaspoon chipotle chili powder
- 1 teaspoon cumin
- 1 teaspoon oregano
- 1 lime juiced
- 3 tablespoons homemade chipotle ranch dressing, optional
For the Salad
- 1 head romaine lettuce, chopped
- 1 (14.5 ounces) can black-eyed peas, drained and rinsed
- 4 vine-ripe tomatoes, seeded and diced
- 4 ears of cooked corn, cut from cobb
- ½ red onion, diced
- 1 jalapeno, seeded and finely chopped
For the Chipotle Ranch Dressing
- ½ cup sour cream
- ¼ cup mayonnaise
- 2 chipotle pepper from a can of chipotles in adobo sauce
- 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
- 2 tablespoons fresh dill
- 1/4 teaspoon sea salt
For the Cornbread Croutons
- 4 cups ready-made cornbread, chopped into uniform bite-sized pieces
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- Fresh cracked black pepper
INSTRUCTIONS
- In a food processor, combine all ingredients for dressing. Pulse until well combined. Store in refrigerator until ready to use.
- In a large bowl, mix chicken with Tajin, cumin, chili powder, oregano, lime juice, and chipotle dressing if using. Refrigerate for at least two hours to overnight.
- Preheat oven to 375°F. Place cornbread on a baking sheet. Top with oil and pepper. Let cook for 10-12 minutes or until croutons are slightly dried. Remove from pan and let cool.
- Place chicken tenders on the baking sheet in a single layer. Use two baking sheets if necessary. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until the internal temperature of the largest tender is 165°F. Let chicken rest for 5-10 minutes before slicing if using breasts.
- Combine all ingredients for the salad with cooked chicken and desired amount of dressing. Top with croutons. If you plan on having leftovers, do not add croutons to the salad as they will get soggy.
