Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a “sane” interaction. In short, that means they have a common reality they both share so that each believes the other will see things in approximately the same way. Though they might not always like what they hear or see, they are not typically faced with unexpected surprises or unpredictable outcomes. Such is not the case if you’re on the end of a crazy-making partner. This breed of intimate relationship dweller does the opposite of maintaining a sane interpersonal environment. Instead, you never know how they are going to react to a given situation. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. When you try to get them to acknowledge what they are doing by weaving the past into the present, they don’t agree with your account of what happened.
In a nutshell, my husband is Morgan Freeman and I'm Ms. Crazy.
If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, don’t think you’re alone. You probably had no idea you were getting into this no-win relationship when it began. If the emotional and sexual connections were rewarding, you may have been intrigued by the Houdini-like escape pattern. Though unsettling, your partner was not boring. You couldn’t easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seemed to make the next move more predictable.
If you are the insane one, you probably didn't start as a control freak, but you might have realized that you morphed into one. As your confusion increased, you probably felt a stronger need to make things happen the way they should, while your partner accused you of micromanaging. The variables didn’t add up, but you were determined to hang in there and solve the situation by wits and endurance. But this crazy-making partner is not driven by malevolent motives. Food fights can cause heartburn for couples, and I’m learning that you can lead your spouse to vegetables, but you can’t make him eat.
In our house, salad lives dangerously at the intersection of masculinity and health, and I am doing my best to break through the roadblock of stubbornness impeding our wellness journey. Last week I said to my husband that he had to eat three bites of kale before being excused. Now hear me out. My husband rations his food at dinner so that he can have two individual ice creams a night. From one Fat Boy to another, the man loves his ice cream, but maintaining a healthy balance at his age is important. He is going to eat the ice cream regardless of what he eats during the day. My job as a loving wife is to stabilize his diet. Look I know that I’m crazy and he is a too-good-to-be-true partner in life, so I want to make sure he is around for a long, long time. Who else is going to put up with all my backseat driving?
Throughout our marriage, I have encouraged the “baby step” approach to real food. And yes, if you have a semi-devious side, this is where it can benefit your marriage. It’s called the bait and switch. I’m not saying be dishonest, but when you can, sneak healthy foods into his meals. Disguise the healthy with tasty. Over time, add more and more of something until it becomes routine. If he doesn’t ask what’s in it… well, you may not want to tell him. If he wants to know what’s in it, say “You may not want to know.” After the triple bypass, if he wants to eat ice cream every night, I no longer discourage it. For now, I’ll let him think he's in the driver's seat, but we both know that I am still the one navigating this journey.
Spicy Green Chicken Chili
INGREDIENTS
- 2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts or thighs (or use a rotisserie chicken, about four cups)
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 large yellow onion, diced
- 2 poblano peppers, stemmed, seeded, and diced
- 1 jalapeño pepper, stemmed, seeded, and diced
- 4 ounces diced green chiles (hatch or mild chiles depending on spice tolerance)
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 4 cups chicken broth (for a spicier soup, sub 1-2 cups with Swanson Spicy Chicken Broth)
- 16 ounces jar salsa verde
- 2 (15.5-ounce) cans cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
- 1 ½ teaspoons kosher salt, plus more to taste
- 2 teaspoons dried oregano
- 1 teaspoon Badia Complete Seasoning
- 1 teaspoon ground cumin
- 2 bay leaves
- ½ cup chopped cilantro
- Zest and juice from two limes
- Toppings: Mexican crema (or sour cream), diced avocados, sliced green onions, tortilla chips
INSTRUCTIONS
Stovetop Method
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Heat the olive oil in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the onion, poblanos, and jalapeño; cook for 10 minutes, until the peppers are softened and the onions are translucent.
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Stir in the garlic and cook for 1 minute until fragrant.
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Add the chicken broth, salsa verde, chicken, diced green chiles, salt, oregano, complete seasoning, cumin, and bay leaves. Stir to combine and bring to a boil.
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Reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer for 20 minutes. Carefully remove the chicken and shred once cool enough to handle.
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Add shredded chicken and white beans to the pot. Uncover and cook for an additional 10 minutes while the broth reduces.
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Discard the bay leaf and stir in the chopped cilantro, lime zest, and juice. Taste and season with more salt if needed.
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Garnish and serve.
Slow Cooker Method
- Cook the peppers, onions, and garlic in a large skillet over medium-high for 8-10 minutes until the onions are translucent and the peppers have softened slightly.
- Add vegetables to the slow cooker along with 2 pounds of boneless skinless chicken breasts or thighs, broth, salsa verde, diced green chilis, salt, oregano, complete seasoning, cumin, and bay leaves. Cover and cook on high for 4 hours or low for 7 hours.
- 30 minutes before the cooking time is finished, remove the chicken breasts with a slotted spoon and shred with two forks. Add the shredded chicken and white beans back into the slow cooker along with cilantro, lime zest, and juice. Cook for the remaining 30 minutes.
- Garnish and serve.
