One of the most challenging things about being a woman is that we all run on high octane. We often find ourselves traveling along the road of life at such a high speed that we don't always see the big curve up ahead – even when we are standing there waving a huge caution flag. The curve is inevitable, but we ultimately find ourselves on the road to burnout, spinning completely out of control unless we know when to decelerate.
Our work hours tend to be exceptionally long, our workloads exceedingly heavy, and the pressure to excel enormously high. And the technology we use to make connections, well, that makes our workday practically endless. Because our ambition, strength, and confidence go beyond socially prescribed gender expectations, we often punish ourselves to achieve greater success.
Over time, this kind of stress takes a heavy toll on the body and mind, but high-octane women are so passionate about what they do that they're often reluctant to acknowledge their burnout. While the curves may be inevitable, a crash is not.
Let’s face it. It’s hard to be an adult. It’s harder to be a parent. But it's hardest to be a mom. No matter what. No matter when. But in 2021, it’s gotten exponentially harder to be these things. When did modern parenting get so unnecessarily complicated? Enter Jane.
Jane is that woman, that mom. She is the Olympic gold medalist of womanhood. She’s an over-achiever but makes it all look effortless. She is an expert at everything and documents it all. Because of Jane, women can’t just experience life anymore; we must also curate it.
Jane makes everything herself, from playdough to lip balm. She remembers every occasion, from her first kiss with her husband to your cat's birthday. Jane has a cookie cutter for every occasion, and she never misses a volunteer opportunity. She has a refrigerator full of pre-prepped nutritional and delicious meals (toddler and adult versions).
Jane makes her kids’ Halloween costumes every year. She also hand-monograms every single Christmas and Easter outfit, each one carefully picked out and stored in tissue paper months in advance. There are no cheesy mall photos of Jane’s children. She has a cast of characters play out the 12 Days of Christmas; a finale of Santa hoisting her children into his sleigh and gifting them a unicorn. All caught on camera.
Jane’s children are never bored. They always engage in developmentally appropriate sensory play, thoughtfully running their little hands through moon sand. They don’t watch TV, obviously; they don’t even own one. Jane has it down, all of it. She loves this stuff deep down in her soul. It fulfills her. It brings her joy. She’s good at it. And there’s nothing wrong with it. I would never begrudge Jane her life’s work. That’s not the problem.
The problem is that back in 2010, before we all knew what a Pinterest board or Instagram Story was, Jane took a liking to social media. She began to share scenes from her perfect life, and other people started to share them because they were so beautiful. More people not only shared them but also tried to emulate them. On and on, it went like a giant tsunami. A decade later, we suddenly found ourselves in a world where almost everyone felt like we needed to be just like Jane. Instead of being the exception, Jane’s life has become the standard by which we measure ourselves. We no longer find ourselves just struggling to keep up with the Jones, but the Janes, too.
It’s because of Jane that we feel the need to have gender reveal parties, hire professional photographers to document everything in our lives, and pretend to laugh and talk like we’re on an Oprah Winfrey Special. It’s because of Jane that we can’t just buy a yellow sheet cake with vanilla frosting, inflate a few balloons, and have a birthday party for our kid. Thanks to Jane, there has to be a theme.
It’s because of Jane that Elf on a Shelf has turned from a cute thing that some people do to a mandatory life event that will scar your child if he or she misses and basically ruins Christmas. Speaking of Christmas… have you ever found yourself furiously searching online for matching Christmas pajamas for your kid or rushing around to different stores a week before Christmas? Have you ever felt like the success or failure of your Christmas literally depends on your baby and your toddler wearing matching striped footies? Jane. While we are at it, we can blame Jane for the entire Etsy industry, too.
Now, none of these things are wrong. If you do these things because you want to do them or because you think it will make your kid happy, that’s fabulous. Godspeed. The only issue is when we do these things, not because they make us happy or because we really want to do them, but because we see that Jane did them and feel like we should too. God love Jane because women like her do really exist. And honestly, we all have our Jane moments. We all have our things, whether it’s crafting or baking, coming up with games, or taking gorgeous photos. And we should embrace those things we’re good at and that we love.
But we also should really evaluate the other stuff, the things that make us curse silently under our breath as we stab ourselves with a needle for the 100th time in an hour trying to sew a Halloween costume or that leave us in tears as we throw away our third attempt at a 3D dinosaur-shaped birthday cake. Sometimes, you have to give yourself a pass and say: you know what, Jane may be really good at this, but I’m not. Some alternatives make everyone’s life easier, like going to Walmart to buy a cake from a photo book your child wants.
It’s okay not to be a super mom. It’s really hard, but we need to give ourselves permission to just let go of everything we do because we feel like we should instead of because it feels right for us and our families. Let’s all just take a breath, put down the glue guns, and remember that no one is perfect. We even have our doubts about Jane.
Real life is messy and unfiltered, and you don’t get the chance to retouch it before someone sees it. Your children will not remember the homemade Halloween costumes, only the year that you ate all their Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. They won’t remember the elaborate party favors you slaved over, only that they were gifted store-bought playdough by a friend. When they are older, they won’t remember anything the Elf on the Shelf did, but they will never forget the one time the tooth fairy left an IOU. This is real parenting, people. Unless you really like the view on the Highway to Hell, I say embrace the perfection of imperfection. It requires a lot less work, and you won’t put unnecessary mileage on your well-being during your journey through life.
Spicy Lasagna Soup
INGREDIENTS
- 1 lb hot or mild Italian sausage, removed from casings
- 1 lb lean ground beef
- 1 large onion, diced
- 6 cloves garlic, minced
- ½ tsp crushed red pepper flakes
- 1 (28 oz) can of crushed tomatoes
- 1 (13.8 oz) container of Pomi's crushed tomatoes with chili peppers
- 1 (4.6 oz) tube of Pomi's double concentrated tomato paste
- 4 cups chicken broth
- 1 tsp fennel seeds
- 2 tsp thyme
- 1 tsp oregano
- 1 tsp basil
- 2 tsp salt
- 1 tsp black pepper
- 2 bay leaves
- 1 (16 oz) box of lasagna noodles (broken into bite-size pieces) or Mafalda pasta
- 1 cup mozzarella, shredded
- ½ cup pepper jack cheese, shredded
- ½ cup heavy whipping cream
- Ricotta cheese, Parmesan cheese, and fresh parsley, optional
INSTRUCTIONS
- Heat the olive oil in a large dutch oven over high heat. Add the onion and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the garlic and cook for 1 minute.
- Add the meat and sausage. Season with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. Cook, breaking up the meat as it cooks until browned all over, 10 minutes. Feel free to drain the fat from the meat if desired.
- Once the meat is cooked through, add tomato paste and stir in well. Cook for 2 minutes.
- Pour in the chicken broth, crushed tomatoes, fennel seed, thyme, oregano, basil, bay leaves, salt, and pepper. Simmer on low for 20 minutes.
- While the soup is cooking, prepare the lasagna noodles in a separate pot according to the package directions. Drain and add back to the pot after adding the cheeses and whipping cream. Remove bay leaves.
- Ladle the soup into bowls and serve topped with ricotta, parmesan, and fresh parsley. Enjoy!
If you prefer a milder soup, switch out hot Italian sausage with mild, eliminate the red pepper flacks, and use Monterey jack cheese instead of pepper jack.
