What no one ever talks about after divorce is the loss you feel. A divorce is an emotionally significant life event often one that feels similar to grieving the loss of a loved one. You may be thinking, "I wanted the divorce, so why am I so sad?" But grieving can happen even if you made the decision to end the union. You're leaving a part of your life behind. Divorce represents the death of a marriage and all the hopes and dreams that went into it. The death of a marriage, like any death, requires a grieving process for healing. You are losing your partner in building memories and dreams of growing old together and if you have children, the valued rituals that you shared. Most of us are unprepared for that change.
Marriage itself is not a mistake. It's a partnership and whether or not it ends up like a dream or a nightmare depends entirely on the individuals involved and not the institution. Love doesn't always follow contractual obligations, and divorce, while depressing, can present new opportunities in love. Without it, you wouldn't have the chance to start over and find someone that is better suited for the person you grew to be.
Many people find that because of their divorce, they pay closer attention to red flags. Whereas those that have never been married or divorced are more likely to compromise their beliefs or needs to try and match their partner simply because they love that person. What I have learned from my failed relationship is that when you compromise your wants and needs, it creates a recipe for disaster in the long run. Some people say, "love doesn't last forever, but divorce does." Nonetheless, there is a permanence in divorce that can be invigorating. It can serve as a constant reminder of what not to do in future relationships. There is no more fear of keeping you stuck in a place that no longer works for you.
After the grieving of my divorce began to shift, I personally found myself focusing less on finding Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now, and more on living a life that was right for me. Dating is different when you're at the mid-life stage. It's not about finding someone to share your firsts with but your lasts. When I started focusing on the relationship I had with myself, I looked for the lessons that I needed to learn, kept an open mind, and choose a partner based on character and values that will stand, not only the test of time but the rest of our time together.
Divorce is awful. It rips your heart out of your chest and leaves you with an open wound in its place. No one denies that fact; however, it's when you take the time to heal yourself from the inside that you have the chance to be reborn again. You have the chance to find that love you've always dreamed of. And to me, it felt just like falling in love for the first time all over again, only better.
Spinach & Ricotta Stuffed Shells in a Spicy Sausage Sauce
INGREDIENTS
For the Stuffed Shells
- 18-20jumbo pasta shells, boil extra in case some break
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 4 cups spinach, roughly chopped
- 15 ounces Ricotta
- ½ cup Parmesan cheese, grated
- 3 cups mozzarella cheese, shredded and divided
- ½ tsp Salt
- ¼ tsp pepper
- ½ teaspoon dried basil
- ½ teaspoon dried parsley
- ½ teaspoon dried oregano
- ¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
- 1egg
- Fresh parsley and Parmesan, to garnish
For the Sauce
- 24 ounces marinara sauce (I like to use Rao's)
- 1 lb hot Italian sausage
- 1 ½ teaspoon fennel seeds
- Zest one lemon
INSTRUCTIONS
- Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
- Boil shells in salted water for 1 minute less than al dente and set a timer to avoid overcooking them. Drain once cooked, separate, and set aside.
- Meanwhile, cook sausage in a large skillet over medium heat according to package direction, for about 10 minutes. Add the fennel seeds and cook for 1 minute more. Remove the sausage from the pan while keeping the drippings to use instead of oil.
- Add garlic to the pan and cook for 1 minute. Add the spinach and toss to coat. Cook for about 3 minutes or until the spinach is wilted. Set aside and let cool.
- Place the ricotta in a large bowl and add the seasonings. Stir to combine. Add half of the mozzarella cheese and most of the Parmesan, (you may want to reserve a little Parmesan to sprinkle over the top before baking.) along with the egg and stir to combine. Fold in the cooled spinach and garlic.
- Add the sausage back to the pan with the marinara sauce and lemon zest. Cook on to heat through. Once heated, add the sauce to the bottom of a 9 x 13-inch casserole dish (or a round 12-inch oven-safe skillet). Use a spoon to fill each pasta shell with the cheese mixture and place it in the baking dish.
- Top with remaining mozzarella cheese and Parmesan.
- Cover and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the cover and bake for 10 more minutes. Garnish with fresh parsley and Parmesan.
