Stuck On You

Stories have existed ever since our ancestors came together around campfires and tried to understand their place in the world around them. We have a narrative running in our minds of every aspect of our lives, from a lived past to an anticipated future, and of every person, place, and situation in between, that enables us to make sense of events and determine appropriate actions. We all have beliefs about ourselves, our lives, and the world around us, and out of those beliefs, we create stories about who we are.

Even when these stories are not biased, they may be outdated. Stories that may have been helpful at some point in our lives can become hurdles as we grow and hold us back from the pursuit of cherished goals. After all, stories are based on experiences, and unless we learn to update our experiences and appreciate our successes, we stay stuck, unhappy, and untrue to our own selves. It is because stories are the fuel that either propels us forward towards our goals or keeps us trapped in a cycle of destructive behaviors. This life narrative integrates our reconstructed past, perceived present, an imagined future, and they not separate and linear, but holistic and co-occurring.

Changing the narrative of your present and future simultaneously alters the meaning or narrative of your past. The story we hold of ourselves is continually evolving and changing based on the experiences we are having. The facts about your past can't change, but the story you tell yourself about them absolutely can. Unfortunately, most people are not strategic about their narrative identity. They aren’t conscious of the meaning-making process they instinctively go through in their day-to-day life, and as a result, they often shape limiting stories based on the emotions they are experiencing. Your entire identity and view of the world are meaningful.

As a person, traumatic experiences keep us in the past. When a person experiences traumatic stress, they often have a difficult time “dis-associating” themselves with that stress. The memory gets sealed into their long-term memory. Unlike normal memories, which are social and flexible, traumatic memories become isolated from context, isolated from other people, and are rigid. Your memory can get stuck — and then you get stuck. You obsess about what should have happened, what shouldn't have happened, what you should have done, what you shouldn't have done, and how everything would be better if you could just go back and change it all. However, even though we want to let go, we don't know how to live a life that doesn't revolve around our former pain. Thinking fondly about the past and looking back at the way things used to be isn't a bad thing until it is. There is a difference between thinking about the past and living in it. Sometimes we choose to live there because it's familiar. We know everything that happened. When the past was really good, you can live there because just thinking back on it gives you a feeling of comfort and happiness.

Remember, the stories you tell yourself filter your reality. When you change your internal dialogue, your external actions will also shift. Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” The current state of your life is a direct result of your story and what you really believe is possible—not what you say is possible, but what you believe deep down in your core. Until I was able to open my eyes and change my story, my life remained stagnant. I received what I was telling my subconscious mind I deserved. I was telling my mind that I wasn’t good enough and that’s what I saw all around me. Dismantling the bad and not giving it power was one of the most important steps to changing my life.

The good news is that you are the author of your story, too. You are the one walking your path and navigating the terrain of your journey. The various meanings that you make about your experiences become the threads that weave each chapter of your life into the fabric of your story. The moral of this story is that you always have a choice in how you interpret events, circumstances, and interactions with others. You can choose to focus on the negative by looking at all that is wrong, which leads to more pain and suffering, or you can choose to look for what's right—to find the gifts or the opportunities—which leads to more potential, and more joy, happiness, and fulfillment. Perhaps today is the day you decide to turn the final page of your past and close that book forever. Every new day gifts you a clean blank sheet. The hardest part of writing is the first sentence. Make it memorable. You are more than your story because the rest is still unwritten.