Past hurts, and old injustices have a way of keeping us stuck in our tracks. Unable to move forward or experience joy, it can take a radical reboot to get past yesterday. A long shadow cast by the pain in your past could be clouding your future. It's powerfully easy to get stuck in the darkness of bad memories, which can feel like emotional quicksand, pulling us down and affecting our mental well-being.
Sometimes, life is seen through the lens of unexamined clutter spilling from every tabletop and corner, elbowing out the new and the possible. It can linger in your daydreams, a relentless specter replaying scenes of old losses, past injustices, and nagging guilts, haunting your thoughts like shadows that refuse to fade.
But I’m here to tell you, the time for that is over.
It’s a fundamental principle of psychology that we carry the weight of our pasts, a walking mosaic of all the yesterdays. To move forward with wisdom, we often hear the call to reflect upon our journey. However, there comes a moment when that thoughtful reflection transforms into a sticky residue on our psychological soles. It anchors you to the ground, impedes forward motion, and, like gum, it doesn't just disappear. To break free, you must engage in some serious scraping.
I was born with depression and have experienced its darkest moments. As a teenager, I remember trying to have an honest conversation with my mother about my suicidal thoughts. Instead of understanding, I received a hard slap across the face, and a comment saying, “Stop being so selfish.” That was the last time I attempted to be open about my feelings.
I lived in fear and embarrassment for decades. In 2016, after devastating news, I attempted to take my life. In a second, I saw no way out. It happened that fast. There was no rational reasoning; I simply could not bear the pain.
In the days, months, and years that followed, I came to understand the profound desire of the human spirit to look forward to tomorrow, especially when all the yesterdays have diminished the will to live. If I had attained success during that time, I would have missed out on so many wonderful life experiences. However, when you are deeply entrenched in past regrets, even the act of whispering “help me” can feel pointless. I found myself sinking deeper into the mire of regret.
The power to get past the past does not lie primarily in events. While those events certainly matter, what’s equally important is the willingness to take steps forward and the effort one is ready to invest in pushing those emotional obstacles out of the way.
Getting unstuck involves recalling an injury but reexamining it more empathetically. Moving forward may require reshaping a relationship to become less giving and more realistic. However, this doesn't usually mean severing those ties; consider it an adjustment rather than an amputation. Getting unstuck requires being truthful with yourself about how you feel.
Getting unstuck involves recalling an injury but reexamining it more empathetically. Moving forward may require reshaping a relationship to become less giving and more realistic. However, this doesn't usually mean severing those ties; consider it an adjustment rather than an amputation.
The best advice my therapist has given me is this: Only man will inflict suffering for the sake of suffering.
To understand who you are and where you want to go, you first need to know where you are. Having a purpose and a vision for your future can instill hope and give your life meaning, which can be a powerful force in navigating life's challenges.
If you want to feel unstuck, it all begins with treating yourself as you would treat someone you are responsible for helping. It’s essential to keep the promises you make to yourself in order to build trust for the future. Determine how you can treat yourself in a way that encourages you to stay on a path clear of yesterday's roadblocks.
Tarragon Chicken Salad with Blackberry Jam Balsamic & Praline Pecans
INGREDIENTS
For the Chicken
- 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
- 1 tablespoon dried tarragon (alternatively 2 tablespoons fresh tarragon)
- 2 teaspoons lemon pepper
- 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
- 2 cloves garlic, grated
- ½ teaspoon kosher salt
- ½ teaspoon fresh cracked black pepper
- 1/3 cup olive oil
For the Salad
- 8 ounces mixed salad greens (use your favorite mixed salad greens and/or spinach, butterhead, or romaine)
- 1 ½ cups strawberries, quartered
- ¾ cup blueberries
- ¾ cup blackberries
- 6 ounces gorgonzola or blue cheese, crumbled
- 1 cup praline pecans
For the Balsamic
- 2 tablespoons Bonne Maman Blackberry Preserves
- 1 small shallot minced
- ½ cup balsamic vinegar
- 2 tablespoons lemon juice
- 1 tablespoons Dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon salt
- ½ teaspoon black pepper
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 cup extra virgin olive oil
For the Pecans
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 1 large egg white
- 2 teaspoons water
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1 pound pecan halves
INSTRUCTIONS
For the Chicken
- Use a sharp knife to gently slice the chicken lengthwise, starting from the thickest part to the thinnest (top to bottom), or pound until ½ inch thin.
- In a small bowl whisk together the ingredients for the marinade.
- Place the chicken in a gallon zip lock bag and pour the marinade over the chicken. Seal the bag, then gently massage it into the chicken with your hands. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
- Preheat oven to 400F.
- Drain marinade off chicken and season chicken generously with salt and pepper.
- Add chicken to an oven safe baking dish and drizzle with olive oil and lemon juice. Bake for about 15-20 minutes or until they are fully cooked (internal temperature reaches 165F).
- Transfer chicken to a cutting board and let rest for 5 minutes (this will help keep it tender and moist). Thinly slice.
- In a large bowl, combine greens, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Gently toss.
- Top salad with chicken, and cheese. Drizzle with desired amount of vinaigrette. Garnish with praline pecans. Serve immediately.
For the Balsamic
- Add preserves, shallot, vinegar, lemon juice, Dijon mustard, salt, pepper, and garlic powder to a blender.
- Blend on high until a smooth.
- With the blender running on medium-low, pour in the olive oil in an even steady stream.
- Increase the speed of the blender as you add the oil.
- Blend until the oil is fully incorporated.
- Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container.
For the Pecans
- Preheat the oven to 250˚F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
- In a small bowl, stir together sugar, cinnamon and salt.
- In a second large mixing bowl, whisk egg white, water, and vanilla until frothy.
- Add pecans to egg white mixture and stir to coat.
- Add cinnamon and sugar mixture to the coated pecans and mix to combine.
- Spread nuts into a single layer on the baking sheet and bake for 1 hour, stirring every 20 minutes. Let cool to room temperature.
