The sun always comes back. Even when you’re not sure you will.
There are seasons that don’t follow a calendar. They settle in your bones, linger in your chest, and make even the simplest things feel heavy. This winter stayed longer than I expected. Longer than I wanted. Longer than I knew how to explain.
Depression is a quiet kind of ache. The kind you carry without a cast or a scar anyone can see. It slows your body. It dims your color. It convinces you the world kept moving and you somehow didn’t.
So if I disappeared for a little while, it wasn’t absence. It was survival. And then, like it always does, the rhythm returns.
The light shifts. The air softens. Mornings stretch a little longer, and the world starts to hum in a way you can feel before you can explain. Around here, that hum always builds to something. It gathers slowly, moving through longer days and lighter air, until everything feels like it’s asking you to come back to life with it.
And maybe that’s why this time of year always leads us here. To a starting gate. To a race.
The hush before the most exciting two minutes in sports. Then the thunder of hooves at the Kentucky Derby.
The best of the best line up. Every one of them strong enough to win. But only one will.
The rest will run their hearts out and still come up short. And that’s the part we don’t talk about enough.
Because that’s what this kind of darkness feels like. You can be doing everything right. Showing up. Trying. Holding it together. And still feel like you’re losing.
But here’s what I’m learning, slowly and honestly:
Some days, the win is simply getting to the starting gate. Some days, it’s staying in the race. Some days, it’s lifting your head toward the light and deciding to keep going.
Every step forward counts, even if no one is there to place a crown of roses on it.
Life does not measure who came in first. It measures who refused to leave the race.
That is the truest kind of winning there is. Don’t just watch it race by. Be part of it.
Hot Browns, My Way
Serves 4
Some recipes are meant to be followed. Others are meant to be lived in.
Life rarely gives you a perfect set of instructions, and neither does a good kitchen. You work with what you have. You adjust when something isn’t holding. You trust your instincts when the plan no longer fits. And somehow, if you stay with it, it still comes together.
This version keeps the spirit of the original but allows for a little more flexibility. English muffins give it structure where it needs it. Tomatoes go under the broiler so they soften and sweeten instead of slipping off. A Gruyère béchamel adds depth and character, finished with Parmesan for that final bite.
Not because the original needed fixing, but because sometimes the best thing you can do is shift, adapt, and keep going.
Ingredients
4 English muffins, split and lightly toasted
8 slices roasted turkey breast
4 slices bacon, cooked until crisp
2 medium tomatoes, sliced
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups whole milk, warmed
1 cup grated Gruyère cheese
½ teaspoon kosher salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
¼ teaspoon paprika, plus more for garnish
¼ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Fresh parsley, for garnish
Instructions
- Preheat the broiler and position a rack in the upper third of the oven.
- Arrange the toasted English muffin halves on a baking sheet. Layer each with turkey, folding slightly for height.
- In a saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Whisk in the flour and cook until lightly golden, about 1 to 2 minutes. Slowly whisk in the warm milk, stirring constantly until smooth and thickened, about 3 to 5 minutes.
- Reduce heat to low and stir in the Gruyère until melted. Season with salt, pepper, and paprika.
- Spoon the béchamel generously over each turkey-topped muffin, letting it run down the sides.
- Top with tomato slices and sprinkle with Parmesan.
- Broil until bubbling and lightly browned, about 2 to 4 minutes.
- Remove from the oven, top with crispy bacon, garnish with parsley, and serve immediately.
Storage
Refrigerate: Store leftovers in an airtight container for up to 2 days.
Freeze: Not recommended, as the sauce may separate.
Reheat: Warm in a 325°F oven until heated through. Avoid the microwave to keep the base from softening.
Classic Derby Pie
Serves 8
There’s a reason this pie shows up every first weekend in May. It’s rich without being heavy, sweet without going too far, and somewhere between a pecan pie and a soft chocolate chip cookie if the two ever met in the middle. The secret has never been adding more. It’s knowing when to hold back. Let the pecans lead, let the filling stay tender, and use just enough chocolate to round it out.
Ingredients
1 unbaked 9-inch pie crust
½ cup unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
¾ cup granulated sugar
¼ cup packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons bourbon
½ cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon cornmeal
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup chopped pecans, lightly toasted
½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
Flaky salt, for finishing
Instructions
- Preheat the oven to 350°F. Place the pie crust into a 9-inch pie plate and crimp the edges as desired.
- In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter, granulated sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Add the eggs, vanilla, and bourbon, whisking until fully combined.
- Stir in the flour, cornmeal, and salt until just incorporated. Fold in the pecans and chocolate chips, distributing evenly.
- Pour the filling into the prepared crust and smooth the top.
- Bake for 45 to 50 minutes, until the center is set but still slightly soft when gently shaken.
- Remove from the oven and finish with a light sprinkle of flaky salt while warm.
- Let cool completely before slicing so the filling can set.
- Serve at room temperature.
Storage
Refrigerate: Cover and store for up to 4 days.
Freeze: Wrap tightly and freeze for up to 2 months. Thaw overnight in the refrigerator.
Reheat: Bring to room temperature or warm slices gently in a low oven.
